Wives Motivation

Discussion in 'Methods, Techniques and Advice' started by Cynfullpair, Feb 16, 2006.

  1. Cynfullpair

    Cynfullpair New Member

    We spend a lot of time on this site discussing what motivates us (cuckolds), but we never talk about why a wife would want to spread her legs for another man. We all know that women aren’t like men, they don’t fuck at every opportunity. They need a good reason to ‘give it up’, especially when they’re married and getting it at home.

    Like most women, my wife can be self conscious and critical of her looks. If she finds the slightest wrinkle and she starts to feel unattractive. It the scales show another ounce, she feels grossly overweight. The cure is not the reassurance of her loving but biased husband, it’s the rock-hard erection of a new lover. She can’t question her sexiness while some guy is pounding her pussy!

    When we started swinging, she loved the attention of several men at once. Mentally, it made her feel like a sex goddess, and she was proud of her ability to satisfy so many men. Physically, the sex was new and different each time, making it so much more exciting than anything the two of us could do.

    Even though my wife is a strong, intelligent, ‘modern woman’, she still felt a degree of old-fashioned guilt for being so wanton. That’s where cuckolding came in for us.

    She knows I love to see her cum hard on another man’s cock. She knows I love her to be sexually aggressive, to say and do what she wants, to take responsibility for her own orgasms. She knows I’d rather share the sex she has with another man that fuck some other woman.

    Our mild cuckolding allows her to overcome any guilt and really get into being a wanton slut because she can tell herself she’s a good wife ‘doing it to please her husband’. It’s a win / win. Making me strip her and guide another man’s cock into her gives me the humiliation I enjoy, and she can ‘hide’ behind the fantasy that her husband is giving her to another man.

    This liberates her and allows her to go wild. She can tell me to lick her asshole or suck the guy’s cock on the pretext that she’s feeding my humiliation when, in fact, it excites her to have the control.

    A cream-pie is the perfect ending. There she is, soiled and satisfied, her cunt oozing cum, and instead of feeling guilty, she feels my tongue licking her, validating and relishing what she did, cleaning her and making her mine again. She says it’s like taking away the sin, making her enjoy sinning so much more.

    We’re all different here. My wife has no interest in fucking someone behind my back and I’d be interested to know what motivates a wife to do that.
    skinny 1 likes this.
  2. Ms Jacquelyn

    Ms Jacquelyn New Member

    most excellent!

    This is a most excellent post! thank you for writing it!-I have really been reading the words 'next step' on lots and lots of posts and it seems as if its a 'step' in the male perspective and not neccessarily a step (or at least the next logical step) in the perspective of the woman .
    I think if one can find the reasons and motivations for sex and eroticism in the woman in question and show that a particular alternative activity
    (cuckolding,role play etc) actually satisfies that condition -be it closeness bonding ,fun, adventure -things the woman may desire -then I think she would be much more open to considering it -but when its 'just another male fantasy' -which albeit takes a lot of bravery for the male to admit in the first place -its nevertheless and most unfortunately relegated to the
    'big laundry list ' of his wishes -but if you suggest it as a way to better achieve goals that she already has in mind -I think it than has a greater appeal -so find out what she wants -and show her that your idea/fantasy
    may just be a very effective way to get it! -Have fun stay safe -Ms Jacquelyn
  3. kinrings

    kinrings New Member

    Great posts, both of them. This site is great for helpful advice...
  4. Richard_F

    Richard_F New Member

    I think that there's a lot of good things in this lifestyle for the wives. I know that with my wife, it's a great ego boost to know that other men want to have her in their beds, and she loves the excitement of meeting a new guy and being seduced (and seducing). The first time is always special too. She calls it "unwrapping my Christmas present", which is one reason why she hates it when guys send her pictures of their cocks. She's rather be surprised when she sees it for the first time in person.

    I think lots of women would love to have this kind of freedom if they knew that they could do it without risking their marriage.
  5. nwcuck

    nwcuck New Member

    Very interesting....

    Thanks for this post - real food for thought.

    I've been wondering myself about the (possible) motivations for a wife to actually cuckold her husband rather than just spread her legs in fantasy (like mine has so far).

    Our relationship is different from yours also in that my wife enjoys domming me - restraint, whipping chastity etc on a fairly regular basis. Even so, I particularly liked the idea of your wife hiding any "guilt" for cuckolding you behind the thought that she's merely doing it to please you. I've been trying to work out how I can help my wife feel at ease with adding to the way she "hurts" me - by cuckolding me, without me coming out and directly asking her to do it.

    I have hoped that she should see cuckolding me as a logical next step in asserting her dominance - particularly as we fantasise together frequently about her with other men. I havent though, come out and actually asked her to do this to me for real. Your comments suggest to me that I probably need to.

    The reason I havent told her I want this for real is basically for fear of how she may react. That she may put a stop to the shared fantasising or the s&m games. She may be putting 2 & 2 together of course and working out what my arousal from the fantasies & the denial actually indicate .

    However, given your comments about your wife, it's made me realise that the only way I'm going to get mine cuck me is to offer her the opportunity so she can be safe in the knowledge that she's "doing it for her husband". That way she shoud be able to get the triple buzz of 1. knowing it's another way to control me, 2. Enjoying the sex and 3. giving her hub what he wants.

    Sounds so simple....hmmmm
  6. Cynfullpair

    Cynfullpair New Member


    If you’re worried about how your partner will react to a suggestion, you can always hide in something innocent. Try this:

    “Hey honey, I had a weird sex dream last night. You were fucking someone behind my back, which really hurt me because I love you, but it also really turned me on because you were doing it deliberately to hurt me, the way I like you to hurt me when we play our sex games. Do you think it’s too weird, that I enjoyed you hurting me in my dream by fucking another man?â€Â

    The worst she can say is you had a weird dream!
  7. littlewinkieman

    littlewinkieman New Member

    Hot wife or just fantasy?

    This is a very interesting question. ...and there's a zillion relationship books out there to help answer it (lol). Because when you get right down to it, sex is a fundamental aspect of marriage.

    A little (pun intended) background: my wife and I got together about 5 years ago. We've been around the relationship block a few times before so we were very careful to really make this one work. We are both very sexual/sensual people. We both wanted sex to be fun, thrilling, FemDomme, male submissive, and include other people. We fantasized, played games, and tried to find what worked for us. I knew from the beginning that my penis was far too small for her (4 inches). But, she adores my tongue and body worship. I also knew that she had a preference for sex with strong and very thickly hung black men (she used to be married to one). She has a black lover and I watch or participate as a cuckold a few times a week. It is the most thrilling experience I could ever imagine (for all three of us).

    Now to answer your question. No matter how sexual your wife may be, my opinion is that women have this major "security" issue that comes way before sex. Assuming a woman's husband is a kind and gentle man with a good income. A woman will value the security (a home, bills paid, etc) she has with him far above sex. We all know that fucking is an extremely intimate act and can create jeaousy and envy in a cuckold husband. Even in the best of situations, when a woman is with a new lover, and there's all that "new" sex and passion...the husband might feel overwhlemed by it and exhibit some negative vibes. A woman knows this and might feel her secure life might get wrecked.

    What worked for us is having a period of time to build our relationship and make it very secure for both of us. Meanwhile, we fantasized about including another man and making me a cuckold. We entertained a few couples which resulted in my wife having threesomes with them while I watched. This was fun and presented no threat, so we continued.

    Then...it happened. We met, through a friend, a very well hung black man. He is articulate, professionally employed, and generally fun to have around our home socially. He joined us in our hot tub one day and when my wife saw his dick...she simply had to have him. And she did. He's not only ten full inches but very thick (which is her preference). When he fucked her, she had orgasms I had never heard from her before. As I said, he comes by our home now two or three times a week.

    Even with our history and all the fantasizing...I must admit I got very emotional the first few times I watched them have sex. It was just too good! It was just too hot and passionate! They fucked for hours...over and over. It was like her sexuality was reawakened. She picked up on this emotional response in me and it took a while to work through it. Now, it's just plain old GREAT sex...for all three of us. But, we almost called it off a few times because it was that damn emotional. She is so hot for sex with him.

    So...my opinion is that a woman might fantasize (and really want to make it reality) but she may be holding back for fear of creating problems in her marriage. And I would warn cuck wannabe's. Be very careful about your own reaction if it does become reality. Watching your wife go WILD over another man's cock. Watching her do things to him she would never do with you. Listening to her scream and experience orgasms that you never heard from her before. Observing her LUST for his cock while always being too tired and worn out for your penis. Think about it. When you fantasize with her...the two of you are being intimate. Imagine watching her have sex for hours with another man. You're super horney and she practically passes out from the exertion. And the following day she literally has no sex drive because she was so well fucked the night before. Fantasy to reality. Whew!

    If you find a man who fits her ideal in a lover...put everyone together in a passion filled situation...it will happen. And if she has your complete trust, it may happen in front of you.

  8. charlotte_rockhard

    charlotte_rockhard New Member

    Re: Hot wife or just fantasy?

    This is a profound statement. In my experience, fantasy rarely (if ever) matches reality. That's not always a bad thing, especially if I keep in mind that life often takes unpredictable paths from what my expectations predicted they would. Sometimes, it can actually lead to a place I could not have imagined possible. The key, as littlewinkieman noted, is trust and the ability to process emotions in their own time and way. Because the emotions (i.e., reality) are different, they can be disconcerting to say the least.

    In my view, as a bull I try to be sensitive to that, because as I've heard mentioned a lot here, this is a couple I'm playing with who have a committed relationship, and they are choosing to share it with me. "Pushing the envelope" simply to show off my machismo is counter productive and no good comes from it because it is a sign of immaturity. It is far better to have everyone in agreement with what is going on, and when they are, it is very hot. If the cuck and hotwife BOTH desire the element of humiliation with the cuck, I'm still observant of what is going on. The goal is to have everyone participate in their way and enjoy themselves. The results are phenomenal when that is the case.
  9. westy

    westy New Member

    Picking up some of the comments, we agree that most women more often have reasons for not doing it (worring about the negative side of it) than motivations to do it (see the rewards). My wife said no for years because she was afraid she would actually like it. And she also said no because she was afraid she was not attractive enough for potential lovers. Today it's just the opposite: Now that she knows that lovers couldn't care less about that new wrinkle or that pound or two more around her hips, she enjoys the mental boost of seeing almost any guy wanting to fuck her. And now that she'd experienced the big kick of unwrapping a strangers cock, suck it and have him fuck her with the security of having me in the same room or appartrment, approving what she does and seeing me having a great time myself, makes her happy and have explosive orgasms (of course we practice safer sex only with all newcomers). In addition, to have the freedom of choosing the guy she likes at almost any given time makes for an increadible and almost permanent aphrodisiac.
  10. kinrings

    kinrings New Member

    Re: most excellent!

    wow, more true words...
  11. 0ldfox

    0ldfox New Member

    You people make it sound so beautiful and romantic.
  12. 0ldfox

    0ldfox New Member


    :D Well, I would like a Hotwife with Kylie Minogue's body, Bridgett Hall's face, PhoenixMWF's appetites :oops:
    ... and Z's imagination. :wink:

    And she has to be able to drive a stick shift.
  13. MsTastys_boi

    MsTastys_boi New Member

    Re: most excellent!

    Thank You Ma'am! i think i needed to hear this from another Woman! Although we have not yet actually consummated my status as Her cuckold (O/our single attempt failed when the guy got to the hotel room and then admitted he had lied about being surgically safe), my Owner has made it plain that She will fuck whoever She wants, whenever She feels like it. i am experiencing a lot of anxiety over the whole thing, but it also thrills me to the core! Plus, Mistress has been reassuring me that mere sex is far different from what W/we share! i know She loves me, and i know i will do whatever it takes to please Her!

    That is why i joined this site,... to learn how to deal with my jealousies, insecurities, and the emotional roller coaster of sub-drop i go through whenever She uses/abuses me publicly. i want so badly to please Her,... which has it's own rewards!
  14. westy

    westy New Member

    We've been on this and other similar forums on and off and enjoy reading the posts, particularly on the ever returning question of "why would a woman want to spread her legs for anotrher man." As Europeans and having lived and worked for some years in the US (where we still have good friends), we are quite familiar with the cultural difference. Leaving the on the side that the American society is probably the most puritanic and hypocritical society on this globe in sexual matters (did you ever wonder why the US have the highest rate of unwanted teenage pregnancies and by far the largest porn industry in the world - in proportion to its population?), the real problem is that American women, as of childhood, are conditioned to be the perfect suburban wife, mother and member of society, wearing a white stainless west of perfection (hello from Deparate Housewives). Well, the reality is just not like that - and that creates a tremendous conflict for women and couples.
    Take France: 82% of women admit to have cheated on their husbands, bf and living partners at least once and 67% admit of doing it on a regular basis! Same with the Swiss and the Germans who are far from the image they have as straight and correct followers of order and discipline. And did you know that some UK airlines have sex charters to Hungary and the Tscheck Republic for men and women (married and not) to go get drunk and fucked for a weekend for as little as 60 UK Pounds?
    And everybody is having a ball pursuing their sexual needs as they wish and nobody's dying of remorse.
    Please take note that we did not intend of making fun of the American people or offend anybody in particular. Just thinking out loud about sex (and nothing else) the way we're used to over here.
    DeaconBlues likes this.
  15. Cynfullpair

    Cynfullpair New Member

    Westy, I’m not slightly offended by your depiction of America.

    I live in Las Vegas, sometimes referred to as Sin-City, but it’s actually more like Vatican City when you compare it with Amsterdam or Hamburg.

    The puritanical County Commissioners have managed to appear permissive by allowing gambling, drinking and nudity, but they have managed to take all the fun out of them by prohibiting any mixing of the vices. There is no nudist resort in Las Vegas because it’s illegal to have alcohol on licensed premises that permit full nudity.

    This law also applies to the strip clubs. Either the girl keep their underwear on, or the club can only sell soft drinks to hardcore perverts who would rather would rather drink orange juice and look at pussy than have a beer with their buddies in a titty bar.

    A few years ago, the commissioners decided that girls under the age of 21 should not be allowed to dance (topless) in bars that serve alcohol. No doubt, they thought the out of work girls would join a convent. The real effect was to force them to work fully naked in the sleazy juice bars. In their puritanical zest, The Commission past a law that makes teenage girls take off their panties in public.

    The hypocrisy here is appalling. Last year the County Commission targeted the swinger clubs (again). One was closed permanently, but another filed an injunction on constitutional grounds. The story received local media cover right up until the first week of November, when it suddenly disappeared off everyone’s radar, right after the County elections. Strange, something that seemed to matter so much one day, ceased to matter at all the next!

    The US allows pornography as a form of free expression, protected by a very loose interpretation of the first amendment of the constitution, even though the founding fathers would have found it unimaginably obscene. Of course, many of ‘the fathers’ were too busy raping their slave women to have any need of porn

    The US has the highest rate of teen pregnancy (partly) because many school districts are required to preach sexual abstinence and forbidden from teaching contraception. The first amendment does not apply in the classroom. Additionally, even if some government agency or charity began offering free contraception to children (common in Europe), there is some question about whether it would be legal without parental consent or notification.

    To say that America describes itself as the ‘land of the free‘, it imposes more restrictions on personal behavior than any European country, with the possible exception of Ireland. Some of us still manage to get laid, but god knows how.
  16. My first exposure to the cuckolding lifestyle was in Europe while being stationed there. First in Germany, then as a civilian in London and Paris. I have to agree ...
    • Americans are prudes [general statement] and have this 'white picket fence, barbie doll, got to be a virgin at marriage, princess attitude"
    Of course, this is changing with every decade. The moral majority controls the United States, in error most of the time, but never the less, they do. Interracial couplings were common in France and England decades before it was even taken out from under cover here in this country.

    Now, I will say this. From my experience, a wife [European] who commonly has other lovers [cuckolding lifestyle] is less exciting than a barbie doll mentality white woman [wife] who is stepping out of her shell and fucking like crazy. Although I hate the term 'whore', I will go out on a limb here and say, generally speaking [from my experience] American women who become temporary sluts to other men are much more enjoyable to fuck than their European counterparts.
  17. MsTastys_boi

    MsTastys_boi New Member

    i would tend to agree! If cuckolding were not so taboo, i doubt that it would hold any thrill,... at least for me. Much of the appeal for me of being cucked is about the angst,... which is tied in with my shame.

    i have spent countless hours trying to decipher that, to no avail. Finally, as the reality of being cuckolded neared,... i had to simply accept the truth of it. No matter how different i wish it were,... i crave Her flirtations & blatant indiscretions, because it is taboo,... and therefore degrading!

    Nothing makes me feel more loved, than feeling so completely Owned by Mistress that She can flaunt Her sexuality in front of me without fear of consequences!
  18. odyexplorer

    odyexplorer New Member

    This is one of the most insightful threads I’ve ever read on the basic psychology, and frequent initial (or lasting) reluctance of the great majority of women to engage in a hotwife or cuckold lifestyle. Littlewinkieman’s comment in particular I think was just amazingly insightful and dead on for most women who can eventually be persuaded to want to try a hotwife or cuckold lifestyle.

    Yeah he doesn’t really address all women. It’s not so explanatory re: the thoroughly domme woman (in her primary relationship and most of her intimate life, if not all her peak sexual adventures), who starts out with her husband knowing that’s how she feels and that he is attracted to that. There are also a great many women who’s sex drives really aren’t that high. Yeah even a great many such women can in the right circumstances get something out of hotwifing in a one bf at a time sort of style, as a reaffirmation of her attractiveness – though I think the dangers of husband replacement for the H are often greatest in this style.

    But for the largest slice of women who can, often after initial reluctance, perhaps great reluctance, to enter into a hotwife or (probably milder) cuckold lifestyle, I think it is REALLY psychologically insightful. Men have some of these same concerns but the whole picture is skewed differently, unless the man is very sexually submissive. Security needs are there, but not nearly so overshadowing of sexual drives.

    The key insight is the once many women really are convinced that their marriage security NEEDS (presuming a good providing marriage, economically and emotionally) are met and won’t be threatened by her playing, that that just AMAZINGLY unleashes floodgates of extramarital sexual desire.

    Well, I’m not doing nearly as good a job on trying to write a gloss on littlewinkieman’s comment as he did in his comment. So I guess I’ll just say, kudos.

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