Thread: should i tell HIM it's ok with me?

my wife has never cucked me, the most she's done is flirt. there's a guy who she is pretty good friends with -- he has his own business and they work together sometimes. they drove to a a night class together last fall and they have been alone together many times in our house while he was doing some work for us. i know she likes him -- she admitted as much from the time they met and we have used him in fantasies during sex. my question is -- should i let him know that it'd be ok with me if he ever wanted to fool around with her? he is married, too and this might freak him out, i'm not sure. i know he likes her quite a bit, and am pretty sure he would be attracted to her, but i'm not 100% sure. also, i'm sure if i were to ask my wife if i should let him know, that she would be horrified! but, i feel that if he made a pass at her -- if it was his idead -- that she might go for it. she even "joked" that she would go for it with him f she was drunk. she's starting to realize that i'm serious about wanting her to go further, but to her i think this is still just fantasy. she doesn't quite believe that i'll be ok with it, since she would not want me be with someone else. i'm hoping that message will sink in further over time.

anyway, i don't want to make a big mistake and get them both mad at me! would it be better for me to ask very "tangentially" so i could potentially cover my tracks if i get a negative reaction?

thanks in advance for your help.

dude, you are so close, so few steps left for you to have a hotwife
although this is probably the most dangerous times of all ( mistakes happening )
I guess the best advice you can get is from someone who actualy did this already, I can only dream at geting to the stage where you are now.

good luck buddy and hope you will keep us all posted with how things develope.

goose, all situations have a twist, your wife is interested and is toying with the idea already, i really think it's the guy friend who needs to loosen up. challenge your wife, make it a game, see if she will play.

wow, it doesn't feel like i'm close. there's a very big distinction (at least in her mind) between fantasizing about something, making suggestive comments in jest, and actually doing it. i may be alone with him at times next week when he is working in our house and i'm taking a couple days off work to watch the kids who are off school for vacation. he and my wife were going to go out to celebrate the end of their class last fall, but never made it out. also, they were going to stay at a friend of his' house overnight as they were both attending an out of town trade show/convention, but it fell through at the last moment because he couldn't leave until the next day. so, they drove up separately and did meet up for dinner and drinks with a group of people. she did tell me that she got hit on at a bar (when she went out with some co-workers) by a very aggressive guy who turned her off, but then later, "hit it off" (her words) with a different guy later in the evening whom she talked with for the rest of the night until they left to walk back to the hotel in a big group. i know she didn't do anything when she was out of town, and am sure nothing has ever happened with her male friend. she did call me the next day to tell me that she definitely did something that i could "use" when she got back. to her, this may be as far as she is willing to take it. she is not overly interested in sex now. we have relations 2-3 times/ month. i'd be much happier if that was per week.

anyway, i could bring it up to her friend that if he ever wanted to go out with her for dinner and drinks to make up for their missed celebration -- i wouldn't mind. then, it wouldn't necessarily have to mean that i want him to sleep with her. there is a real chance that he would not be interested in pursuing something with her. he is married -- in fact, we went to his wedding. i can't imagine his wife would be into any sort of arrangement. so, then i'd be encouraging him to cheat, i suppose.

anyway -- please chime in, anyone, if you think i'd be making a big mistake by being too open with him about it. again, even my contemplating telling him would horrify my wife. she'd be very embarrassed. i know i could tell him that this was my idea and she did NOT tell me to talk to him. i do believe that there would be a chance if she was drinking that she would go for it. actually, she has said things like, "well, if i was drunk, you never know..." but, again, to her this is mostly just hot fantasy talk, and may not be something she would do for real. though, i have given my express permission to pursue any avenues she desires. "unfortunately" she is a pretty good girl. which is also why she excites me so much.

sorry, so long! share any of your wisdom. i have bought and read the kingbull book, but didn't come across advice for this particular situation. i am worried about jumping the gun and foiling my long term plan. please help!

Originally Posted by goose

"unfortunately" she is a pretty good girl. which is also why she excites me so much

Are you really out of your mind! "pretty good girl" should ring an alarm incase you dont want your marriage to fall apart! She has a self image of herself and also of the man that she wants to grow old with. For most girls [unless they are really adventurous] that image is not of a wife who fools around with a cuckold husband's permission (who gets off on it) and as if this was not enough, he even goes around telling her male friends that it's okay if they sleep with her! What if he refuses? She will forever hate you! I would say that you dont push her. I know that i will be in a minority here.

Let it remain in your brain and enjoy it as much as you can. From what you tell, she does enjoy flirting. Things should happen on their own and they will (but may be not with the man you want!).

i agree with indian couples. talking to him, i doubt would make any difference. my involvement was dependent on the guy. the more aggressive the other men are the better. then it will be your wife, who decides if she makes fantasy, a reality. my wife hesitated at first too, but if your wife enjoys the fantasy, as my wife did and does, it is only a matter of time.

Hi goose,

My opinion after a few years of hotwifing - your wife must be your partner in this, not your friends, her friends, or a guy you'd like to see her fuck. Hotwifing and cuckoldry are team sports, and your team must able to deal with the complexities and pitfalls that can arise. My guess is that if your wife discovers you've set her up behind her back, you will have blown your chances forever. She may never trust you again. You may trick her into fucking another guy, but that's a low probability, one-time event with a very high risk factor that she'll feel very guilty afterward, and very angry if she finds out you planned it behind her back.

My advice would be to be honest with her about your fantasies. Gradually bring them into your sex life through foreplay fantasies in bed. If she's receptive, then it's a waiting game - she must know how you truly feel, and you must build the trust she needs to go forward. Don't try too hard - don't push her. In our case my wife decided when it was time, and only after a lot of comfort was created by role-playing and sincere, honest, out-of-the-bedroom discussion.

Sorry if I've thrown a wet blanket over your hopes and dreams, but please think of your marriage first, if you value it.

Best of luck,

Don

Originally Posted by goose

my question is -- should i let him know that it'd be ok with me if he ever wanted to fool around with her?

My answer is not just "no," but "HELL NO!"

The tip off is the next part of what you said:

Originally Posted by goose

i'm sure if i were to ask my wife if i should let him know, that she would be horrified!

If it ever gets back to her what you told him, you are screwed, and not in a good way.

All that would need to happen is for him to tell her what you said. Then you will probably lose the possibility of her ever doing with him, plus the fantasies in bed that you do get to share with her about it.

Summary: big thumbs down

What you _should_ do: Keep doing what you're doing. Here's why: When she joked that she might do it with him if she were drunk, she was testing you to see what your reaction would be. You passed that test, as far as we know, because you didn't freak out. That's probably a worry of hers, that when faced with it as a real possibility, you would have a hissy and jump her sh**. You didn't, so you moved it one step closer to reality.

Christine

yes, yes, you're all right. it was a very bad idea -- thank goodness i've rethought things through with all your help. we went out on VD (valentine's day) and talked about her flirting and got drunk on margaritas and really had a fun night that ended with some very good sex. so, yes, i will just be patient with all this and not force the issue. i did tell her to just be as bad as she wants -- however bad (or not) that is.

it was funny -- yesterday she went shopping during the day with her "boyfriend" (as we call him now) and they took longer than expected. so, when she was on her way home, she called me and listed all the things they did and why they ran so late. (although, i hadn't prompted her to. honestly, she wasn't really any later than i was expecting.) so, when she got home i told her that for future reference, if she wants to seem less conspicuous, she shouldn't offer up this litany of reasons why she's late -- especially before i even ask. she thought that was funny. probably the 2 of them are just destined to be pals -- unless something happened to his marriage, but i do think it's possible if they found themselves in the right situation, "mistakes" could be made.

i'm hoping that she is able to re-connect with the older guy she flirted with when she was out of town. he might be coming to our area in a few weeks. i'd encourage her to take up where she left off last time.

Goose- you may be already there by the sounds of it. I do agree with others, though, not to work around your wife. Continue to play with her, flirting games using her boyfriend as her assumed partner. Tell her she looks hot with him. Tell her you bet he would give anything to taste her goodies. Let her know you think it would be really hot for her to flirt with him and see how far it goes. Let her know you would not be angry, but thrilled to see her get her due happiness.

i guess i should mention that the roots of my desire to be cucked came about after we were married and she came clean with some of the things that she did while we were dating. fucking a guy on a friday night when we had plans to meet out somewhere and then showing up at my place on saturday morning feeling guilty. (i had no idea!) and several times blowing guys in her car that she'd met at this bar she'd go to when she was back home. so, she has it in her -- or she did at one time. my job is to find a way for her to rediscover this side of herself. that's why it turned me on so much when she told me of the relatively innocent flirting that she did when she was out of town.

my wife just called and said she can't make it up the hill to get home (we're having a pretty good snow) so she called her "boyfriend" and she's going to leave her car at his business overnight and they're going to have dinner and beers at the local tavern and then he'll give her a ride home. i told her i liked her plan and to take her time -- i'd put the kids to bed. i love how he's willing to leave his house and go out to meet her. still, probably nothing will happen, because they're both pretty trustworthy, but i love the possibilities! the long shopping excursion was just yesterday -- if they keep putting themselves in situations like this, something is bound to give! don't you think?

the tavern was closed due to the weather, so they came here and she cooked him an egg/bacon sandwich and we all drank some merlot. see? i told you they're trustworthy -- damn! i liked the original plan so much better! sorry.

after my wife brought up that i went out last friday night because i was bored (she was doing schoolwork) her "guy" told me he'd be willing to go out with me sometime. (there's a bar where bad cover bands play on the weekends that is close to both of our houses.) should i keep my distance, so as to keep any possibility alive, or is it ok? would it be ok (if the time was right) that i mentioned to him that he has a free pass with her as far as i'm concerned? does he already know, do you think? or do you never anticipate something like that? i know this somewhat contradicts the advice i was given earlier in the thread -- i wouldn't want you to think i was so smart that i no longer needed your advice!

Originally Posted by goose

should i keep my distance, so as to keep any possibility alive, or is it ok? would it be ok (if the time was right) that i mentioned to him that he has a free pass with her as far as i'm concerned? does he already know, do you think? or do you never anticipate something like that? i know this somewhat contradicts the advice i was given earlier in the thread -- i wouldn't want you to think i was so smart that i no longer needed your advice!

No, do not put any extra distance between you.
No, it still is not okay to invite him.
No, he probably does not know he has a free pass, and he won't until she tells him so.
No, you do not anticipate something like that. She will decide.

Sheesh! LOL I'll bet you were never able to leave well enough alone, were you!

Christine