Unsure if this will end well

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by Bartleby, Aug 29, 2017.

  1. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    I just started to be a cuckold involuntarily. I am unsure how this will possibly end and would love it if someone could give me advice, encouragement and a bit of support.

    Here is the story:

    I am 44, my wife is 38. We have been happily married for 12 years, no kids. We cuddle a lot, but there is definitely a lack of sexual activity. We do it once a month or even less. We used to fuck all the time when we were a new couple.

    So last Saturday my wife tells me that she had been with another man a week ago. She says she would like to polyamory and have me and him at the same time. The reason she told me about the cheating is that she did not want to lie to me. I am a bit shocked at this, of course. Then I tell her that I can't blame her and that I would have probably done the same in her situation. But I also say that I am afraid that she might like him more than me and eventually leave me. I hint that I would prefer "Don't ask don't tell".

    We had sex on saturday before she told me, then we had sex on sunday and yesterday and this morning as well. Ever since she told me I am totally hot for her. She has been incredibly loving and reassuring since she told me.

    Now I have thought a lot about this before I came to my current decision. I figured that not allowing her to have someone else is lazy , selfish and cowardly. What right do I have for this? Do I just fear the competition and don't want to allow it in?
    I also realised that obviously the sex has become a lot better in the few days since Saturday. I think about her juicy grotto all the time now. She is much hotter in bed than before.
    Therefore, I have told her that I am fine with her having a boyfriend. Don't ask don't tell would not work in our lives. If she wants to see him, she should just tell me and go. I told her I am very aroused by her having someone else and a bit of competition would do good. Emotionally, maybe I will realise that there is no competition at all. my wife was happy and told me how much she loves me.

    Now I am hoping that she will want to see her lover very soon. I hope that this will lead to great sex with my wife. Just like it is now. On the other side, I fear that this may not work out this way and that she will simply prefer him over me.
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  2. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member

    This is complicated!

    Your wife has come to you with a real straight forward proposal direct as it appears to be do you know this man? what is he into? what does he want from this? and does he know she has told you?, if she has only fucked him once which I suspect she wont have why is she talking about polyamory so soon?

    You need to speak to her to determine what she is really suggesting and what she wants from this and where you fit into her relationship with him

    I take it you find this a turn on but then are not sure, this is an emotional game and if your not ready to play it as most aren't this could cause you a lot of damage emotionally she should know this. You say "I figured not allowing her to have someone is lazy, selfish and cowardly" I don't agree this is your wife and your relationship she should be discussing this in more detail with you before wanting to take such a big step that will alter your relationship completely. To me you must meet him.

    Until she has told you where she wants to be you will not know where you are, is this going to be fun for you or just giving your wife away?.

    This has obviously rejuvenated your desire for her which is good but should he be the dominate one you may find that he will tell her that he wants sole ownership of her body and if she chooses to agree you may find that your access to her body becomes controlled by him.

    I spent years in such a three-way relationship but got on very well with the chap, he was fully integrated into our family but as my friend not hers, I used to speak to him and he was open and honest with me but he would occasionally request her to NOT make out with me until he had visited her again, this moved on to me being fitted with a CB. so whilst my friendship with my wife remained very strong he still controlled my sex life with my wife, she knew however that I was comfortable with this so there was never any issues.

    What your wife is proposing is....... well at this time you don't appear to know!
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  3. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much for taking your time and thought to reply. I think your ideas are helpful. Please read my comments inside your text.

    Thanks again for the kind advice. I may write more here as the story unfolds.
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  4. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member

    Barteby please do continue will be interesting to see how this unfolds
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  5. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    yep sure I will keep on posting about this. These are very exciting times for me and writing about it helps me a bit.

    I thought about your helpful reply and came to the conclusion that next time I talk about this topic with my wife I need to tell her that

    1) She has to be sure that her partner understands his role. He is a secondary lover to a married woman, there is no chance of him taking her away from me. I am also not willing to stop having sex with her.

    2) If she wants to have another partner, it goes both ways. This means I am allowed to do the same.

    I had a bit of a reluctance to knowing who it is, but now I am over this. It probably is a 20year old guy from our circle of people we hang out with.

    At this point I will drop you the dirty secret I have kept from my wife. I am a bisexual and have had sex with quite a few guys in the last few years. She knows since the time we met that I am bi but I have not told her that I couldn't resist hooking up with strangers, no emotions attached. If she has a boyfriend, I should be free to cruise. When we had our first discussion when she confessed to have had sex with someone else, I asked her about how she'd feel if I would go to gay saunas, etc. She said she'd be fine with it. I don't feel good about being dishonest with her seeing how honest she is with me. This dirty secret is also why I didn't get angry at all when she told me she cheated. I still don't want to tell her this. I know it was wrong but I had so much time to myself I could not resist the cocks. Since there was no emotion and no relationships in my hook ups, I didn't even really see them as cheating and felt there would be no benefit in telling her.

    So what has happened since Tuesday? Hell, my mind is racing so much about this topic, I feel as if this has been a long time. I think too much about it, I know. My wife has not talked about it, and acts as if it hasn't happened.

    We have been very loving to each other. It feels like we have fallen in love with each other again. Last evening there was a bit of planning for the weekend. All very normal, she did not say anything about wanting to meet her lover. Now that I have told her that I am ok with it, why doesn't she go see him?
    This morning we have been cuddling in bed and she noticed how horny I am for her. She said she would like sex, but does not have time now, maybe tonight. She seems to be much more into sex now. This is great, our love life has been so dull for years.
    When we cuddled, she told me I shouldn't be jealous, that is all she said and I said that it is all good. For me that indicates that she is still planning on continuing with that guy. If her plans fell apart and that affair is over, I'd think that would have been a perfect time of telling me so I stop this mad thinking about this stuff. I have decided that I don't want to press things so I will not talk about it until she is ready and initiates the discussion. I might decide against this idea as events progress.

    I have read a bit about what other cucks do and it really turns me on. Sure, I would love to watch or at least listen, but I think we should leave this for later or never. I enjoy the idea of asking her whether she has packed condoms and getting them for her, suggesting that she wears her sexy undies, etc.
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  6. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    So far, so good Bartleby, but with one proviso/caution:

    With age of the prospective lover of your wife being only 20, and him being a member of your present circle of friends, the chances of your wife falling in love with him are not negligible. I was in a situation similar to yours when I introduced my 19 year-old buddy to my wife 4 years ago and she fell very deeply in love with him after their first two weeks of sex together, sharing our marital bed. Within a month she was wanting to leave me to live with him, which I am sure she would have had I not agreed to him co-husbanding her with me with him being her preferred full-time lover. Another saving factor for me was that he, like me, is bisexual and he and I had privately been lovers since he was 17.

    When I first met my wife-to-be there was no question of keeping my bisexuality secret from her, and I have never regarded it as in any way a "dirty secret". In choosing a husband it was in fact a big plus for my wife, with her experience of young bisexual men being, at least for her, much more sensitive, empathetic, skilled and satisfying lovers than "completely" heterosexual ones. It excites her a lot that the sex between my buddy and me is fired as much if not more by the emotions of unconditional brotherly love as it is by our more obvious intense physical attraction for each other.

    If you and your wife do team up sexually with the 20 year-old lad of her present preference, I sincerely hope you are able to express your homosexual side freely towards him even if he is not bisexual like you, that your wife gets off on it as my wife does, and that you come to accept your bisexual nature as a beautiful and love-enhancing part of yourself, and not in any way dirty.
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  7. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    The reason I see what I have done as a dirty secret is because I have kept it secret. I failed to be honest to my wife. I am happy with being bisexual.

    Well, I don't know yet whether it is this 20yold guy or another. If it is him, that is fine, I see the danger of them falling in love no matter. With him probably less. Rest assured that I will let my wife know that we are risking our wonderful relationship with this. I believe she is the one to put a stop to this experiment if she wants to. It wouldn't really work if I tell her to stop. That would not be satisfactory to our relationship as I know it. If she would eventually choose to end our relationship, there is nothing I can do about it.
  8. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member


    Many thanks for the update WOW umm are you really sure you want to tell her you have been meeting strangers for sex? certainly with my wife and I would think this maybe common if I was to tell her this she would be upset and most likely leave me. She has been honest with you but now finds out you've been fucking men behind her back are you sure she will just say fine? I would have thought she would worry about disease and question your love for her and your previous honesty and no longer trust you,

    1) She has to be sure that her partner understands his role. He is a secondary lover to a married woman, there is no chance of him taking her away from me. I am also not willing to stop having sex with her

    Are you really considering that this will happen? women are emotional creatures I have controlled my wife's contact with her lovers and twice she has split from men saying she was becoming too emotionally involved I don't see this is something you can control, telling her he has to understand "his role" well his role is he is fucking your wife and she likes it. I don't see any consideration for you in this what they choose to do and i doubt will depend on your views in my experience

    "there is no chance of him taking her away from me. I am also not willing to stop having sex with her"

    A very confident statement, why wouldn't she leave you if she wanted to?

    what happens if she decides she doesn't want sex with you in the future?

    at 2 you state,

    "If she wants to have another partner, it goes both ways. This means I am allowed to do the same"

    It maybe that she will think I have been honest and told you about my lover now you are telling me you have cheated on me on numerous occasions with other men, women are emotional creatures I certainly know my wife would not be happy with this to me yes she acknowledges she has double standards, what you are suggesting is you do what you want and I will do the same so to me your just looking at living under the same roof until she finds someone she wants to move in with.

    You know your wife obviously more than anyone perhaps with the exception of her lover but I think what your going to do is drop a big bomb into you marriage.
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  9. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    Small misunderstanding - I do not intent to tell her about my homosexual activity of the past. For exactly the reasons stated. I am ashamed of this, she is more honest than me, but those are the realities. What I am meant that I intent to do this openly from now on without admitting to my misdoings of the past. Now I sound really horrible, I know. Thanks for the warning, I have to be careful with what I say to her, I should not be careless because she has every reason to be upset with me for that one. But I do not accept double standards. I would choose to leave her if she says that she wants to have sex with that guy but I am not allowed to go to a gay sauna. She won't do that, she has already told me so.

    I am aware of what you mean that I have no control over the emotions of others. But what else am I supposed to do? The only other option is to tell her that she can't go ahead and still have a relationship with me. This may be safer and deter her. I just don't feel this is the right thing to handle the situation. At this point she would of course also have the power to actually end the relationship because she feels I take away her freedom. So I am left with warning her of the dangers. I am not a person who shies away from risks. I believe a life without risk is dull. you miss out on chances of discovering so many things. On the other hand, yes, I am aware and a bit afraid of this danger.

    No, I don't believe that this arrangement would end up with both of us just doing our own thing. We are very interested in each other.

    But yeah, I will avoid dropping that bomb of telling her that I used to fuck around with guys. Even though I feel that 20 minute hookups is more like mutual masturbation. She could have easily shut her mouth and then we would not have this conversation here. Maybe that would be better.

    Which brings me to my last bit: I keep on rummaging around, my head is spinning thinking about this stuff. I hope she will tell me soon what is going on. If she doesn't, I will have to drop my decision not to pressure her and prompt her about it. My thought process is rather joyful, but I also want to be able to focus on other issues.
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  10. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member


    Thanks for the clarification,

    I think to do this you need a very honest and strong relationship with your wife, experience mine, shows me that if you wish to know what she is doing then she should tell you. Having told you she basically wants a three way relationship surely she should say who this chap is if you knew for certain would you discuss this with him? or would you prefer to know but that he didn't know you consented and knew of him

    Obviously there are millions of views on this and how it should be conducted so its what fits you both best.

    My wife cheated on me when she was 16 and told me that night and again at 17, I forgave her however in her early 20s she was playing with her driving instructor and then a long term affair with my then best mate, she did tell me about this after it had been on going for 5 years more by mistake in a text she sent me when she was drunk and out with him. She then tried to deny it later that night having forgotten she had sent the text she even for good measure so I didn't see it deleted it from HER phone, that's women's logic for you......priceless.

    What followed was a major argument but on reflection I actually liked the thought of her cheating however over this period it did nothing for me so whilst from a week or so afterwards I started getting a kink out of her conversion I spent years in the dark which I have never liked. She admitted later she liked the thrill, excitement of her secret, and that I had, had I known to look nearly caught them a few times she appeared to enjoy playing roulette during her affair I thought I had a faithful young wife.

    He however was as mad as hell yep bizarre he told me loads firstly in anger to show me what a slut my wife was, he said she was so, so easy to lay seduction wasn't the word he said if she wanted it she would say I want a good fuck be quick he wont be long, he also said she had discussed having his baby something she didn't deny to me.... anyway this is your thread not mine

    From this she promised to be faithful but I didn't want her to be and knew she wouldn't be long term she admitted she liked different cock so from then onwards I have always been involved watching or at least arranging her plays so now I do have involvement which suits us both. I have given her permission to have a boyfriend who wouldn't know I consented it now turns me on knowing that if she had one he wouldn't know me but id be able to watch them even if just kissing in a pub.

    I am off im getting well of topic!
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  11. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    you have helped me and I think it is good for me to know a little bit more about you to understand better where you are coming from.

    Just checked on the condoms and I think she has taken some. Maybe she has done it on the sunday after she told me but when don t ask don tell was in place. That would be good, because she certainly enjoyed our sex before and afterwards.
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  12. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    Good news: i have had a good honest chat with my wife this morning. She does have a lover and intends seeing him again. They have had sex on two occasions so far. She agreed to my points and also understands my newfound cuckold fetish. More details later.
  13. CuckPride

    CuckPride Well-Known Member

    That's great to hear! I'm very happy for you.
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  14. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    thank you. Such a buzz when she told me they have done it in all positions! Now I have experienced what you guys are on about and it feels as good as you describe. Tomorrow I will have fun telling you all about it.
  15. CuckPride

    CuckPride Well-Known Member

    I look forward to your next update.
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  16. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member

    please do I look forward
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  17. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    Ok here are the juicy details of the arrangement between me and my wife:

    We had a really good conversation during and after sex and it seems like things are going much smoother than expected.

    We decided to take it one step at a time, so she does not want to reveal yet who her lover is, but she (probably involuntarily) gave me a big hint. It is someone who is an experienced polyamourous queer and has many lovers. He understands that he will be her secondary lover and I am first. They have negotiated this without me asking for it. She has feelings for this man and wants to enter his harem. She didn't use the word harem of course, but I have to grin and think about it this way considering he has so many. Considering he is queer, maybe I can enter his harem as well, lol.
    So it is not a fuck relationship, there is friendship involved. My wife believes she can love two men and I have little reason to doubt it. My wife also said that if I would have said that I can't handle this relationship she would have stopped seeing him. She had not seen him this week even though I had allowed it because she wanted to make sure first that our relationship is going well.

    I will eventually officially be told who it is. If I am right with my guess who it is, I would be very happy because I have great respect for that man. He is a very honest and integer person.

    My wife accepts that our change of relationship means that I can have other lovers as well. Since my wife knows that I am bi it is pretty clear to her that i am talking about males here. I have no interest whatsoever in a secondary emotional relationship.

    My wife had no problem understanding why I get so aroused about her having a lover! She agreed to answer questions of sexual nature about her hook ups with him. She readily told me that they have done it in all positions including doggy. (Due to her being a bit stiff and my frequent erectile problems if I am not using viagra we do it missionary all the time, sometimes she rides. We have never done it doggy in all those years for some reason.)
    Made me horny thinking about how she must have left our home after sex with me last sunday and then had this huge orgy with him, only to have great sex with me the next day. She seems to understand that one part of me celebrating her infidelity is wanking and I had no problems telling her that I had already wanked excessively over this. This is my benefit of this deal for the moment.

    There is a clear dynamic that the more the lover fucks her, the more I want to fuck her. (Pretty much the best thing about this) My wife is not sure whether she can handle that much sex. She will, however, allow me to at least lick her pussy, preferably directly after she has come home from being with him.

    So this all sounds really good and I feel this is worth the risk. I am happy that my wife gets to experience something new. She is much hornier now and also less restricted (or rather restrictive) in bed. I'd never expected her to want two lovers! She has often had this lack of libido. Now we are having sex almost every day and she has got him on top! I hope another benefit of their relationship will be that the new lover will teach my wife new tricks. She doesn't do blowjobs very often, for example. Maybe that will change.

    I am looking forward to the first time my wife announces she is going to spend time with her lover. Finally feeling that this may end well, after all.
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
  18. Kudalskies

    Kudalskies Well-Known Member Founding Member

    She told you because she knew you'd approve of it.

    You went alone with it because you are a cuckold.

    It improved both of your sex lives

    No fears of this disrupting your marriage life together, this would only strengthen it.

    It's only a little more fun in bed that your wife wants and I'm sure she's far appreciative to you that you are ok with it.

    In return like you said she showed you a hotter time in bed and I'm sure she's now much more loving and closer to you.

    No worries; she will remain in love and not much him. It’s only sex that she wants from him.

    Not everyone you love you have sex with and not everyone you have sex with you must be in love with; sex and love do not exclusively go together.
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  19. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    please read my comments in the quote text.

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  20. Kudalskies

    Kudalskies Well-Known Member Founding Member

    She's your wife she must of felt you'd be ok with it... if not she wanted to come clean confessing. In doing so she hit the jack pot... you liked it ;)
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