Now what?

Discussion in 'Methods, Techniques and Advice' started by Choose life, Oct 20, 2016.

  1. Choose life

    Choose life New Member

    Hi, I'm a stag or A-cuck and after long conversation with my wife, we decided to stop this lifestyle . We started experimenting a couple of year ago and this was for me a great period, but my wife is feeling guilty and she's not feeling comfortable being a hotwife. I love my wife and don't want to leave her, but I really miss this live style. I am wondering how cucks without hotwife survive. Can you please inform me on alternatives staying with my wife, but continue this way of living. I was thinking of a virtual relationship with a hotwife (married or not). All suggestions welcome...
     
  2. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    "Choose Life that ye may live". And Blessing, as against Cursing. How for you to "continue this way of living"? That appears to be a huge question, but it embodies another crucial and simplifying one "Should you?" The letter of the Law says "No" to the solution you are proposing, as you appear be discovering and wrestling with. It's the same for every one of us---The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I believe the operative commandment here is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". That is what my wife and her young live-in lover and I find works near-perfectly for us, including in our marriage bed. Love is the fulfillment of the Law.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2016
  3. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    Hi Choose life, I will try my best, to offer a suggestion. I have empathy for you and your wife. There are times when Cucking comes easier than others.

    I know that I paused for a year or so after our last baby. I paused when my husband was really busy with work, 3 kids kept me busy. I paused when Jeff and I went through a rough spot. I paused when Jeff got upset with me for breaking a rule. I am paused now, dealing with grief and a bad experience. Jeff paused us once when he was unhappy with a guy I was seeing. And Jeff also paused us once when he was struggling.

    So there have been pauses, and we always meet back together. We are a team and committed to each other even if we are not getting what we desire. I believe that there is no "new" or "better" out there.

    You are a cuck, even if she is not fucking others right now, just as you are a cuck when she is grocery shopping or working in her yard. You are a cuck and she is a "hotwife", you have already joined that group.

    Try to focus on one day at a time, everything seems to ebb and flow. For now I suggest remembering the good times. When you have sex with her, it is so fun to remember that other guys have fucked her. Remember that she is a beautiful slut that belongs to you. That she has already given you this gift, is so much more than most men get. Cuckoldress are not easily found, they are valuable.

    This is my BIG, IMPORTANT piece of advice....Do not threaten her...or hint you are thinking about trading her in for a more cooperative model....she is scared or stressed about something and you adding threat will destroy her trust in you. Share that part with us. Come back to this thread everyday and post your loss....tell us what you miss and are needing...we will help walk with you.

    Deanna
     
  4. Choose life

    Choose life New Member

     
  5. Choose life

    Choose life New Member

    Hi Deanna, first of all my sincere condolences. Secondly, many thanks for your reply. I'm afraid my wife is no hotwife. She tasted this lifestyle, but on some occasions, she didn't enjoy having sex with somebody else and on the other occasions where she enjoyed, she felt guilty or was afraid that she would get feelings for the one she had sex with. I can imagine that hotwife and cucks need a break from time to time, but I really think that the decision we made was a relief for her and I don't think there will be a sequel to this story. But as you said, I will enjoy the memories, I'm lucky to at least having the taste of this lifestyle, many cucks haven't got this privilege. I won't push her or try to convince her. I became a quiet cuck now full of memories and enjoying fora and other cuckold sources. I follow some tumblr couples and their experiences are satisfying for me. I hope you go well and you don't struggle too much with this loss. Kindest regards, Bart
     
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  6. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    Bart,
    Did she say why she wanted to stop? When I ask to stop, I often imply that it is forever. I meantioned the times I paused but some of my reasons for needing the pause where; greater connection with my husband, body issues, feeling used, exhaustion, responsibilities for others, bad fucks,....When I can regroup, focus on what has stressed me or just have some time pass....I'll then magically notice somebody I just want to sample.

    You mentioned she felt relief...maybe encourage that...verbalized why you want her to have the break...why it is good for her...how you are going to enjoy taking care of her sexual needs-and will do you very best...she doesn't need to fuck others for you...she is exactly what you need and you don't need her fucking others.

    I really don't think it is forever, extra dick is hard to give up, but I do think you accepting forever and loving her is you best path through this. When I am only fucking others to get Jeff his kink, I feel more drained. When I fuck others because I actually need to for myself, I feel energized.

    Right now I have no desire, or thought I didn't. Jeff has let me off the hook. He is encouraging me to take a break. Last night in the shower he washed me and then asked to massage me. That man is magic, We ended up fucking for a couple of hours, amazing sex. Between his love, toys, sybian, and him I really had a great time.

    Jeff is currently focused on the service part of being a cuck. Cucks take good care of their cuckoldress, you can do that even if she is not fucking others. You are still a cuck, what she does-doesn't change that. You are there to please her, find ways to meet her needs. You are hers to use as she wishes, any way she wishes, she owns you....You haven't lost everything because she is not fucking, there are many aspects and dimensions.

    Deanna
     
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  7. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    Here's my take on it, as a sissy cuck living with my girlfriend, who stopped dating guys a few years ago. I know how difficult it is for you. I know how much you want her to start seeing guys, and how much you enjoyed when she was a hotwife.

    First, I think you've accepted that your relationship comes first. I know you'd do anything to get her to start dating again.

    Here at our house, we occasionally revisit the issue. She says she's still interested in dating, but that she's too busy to start another relationship. After a few years have gone by now, I've accepted that what she really means is that she doesn't want to. Or at least not badly enough to start again.

    I have a few suggestions for you.

    First is to offer good advice on sites like this one. It's comforting to know that there are things you learned during that time when she was active. Things that you can pass along to others who might make the same mistakes that you did. And staying active in that regard means you'll be looking at quite a few messages, and may occasionally see something that strikes you as a good idea. You could learn something that would be useful to you for the time in the future when she (hopefully) will say that she wants to start again.

    You can also chat on line with like minded people. Sometimes you can live vicariously through them a little bit. You get to hear about their activities and think about them. You can be reminded by those things of the times when your wife did something particularly exciting. If you do, you'll probably find yourself sometimes saying to another person, as I do now, "God, I wish that would happen here. I am SO envious of your situation."

    Also, staying active in discussion groups allows you to think about what other ways you can change your relationship. That is, how can you make it better, in a way that might make her more comfortable about it, or that just generally improves the relationship that you have with your wife.

    I know that my situation is different from yours. But in my case, that has partly played out with the result of me taking on more of the housework. I don't mind doing it, since I mostly work from home these days. And it allows me to show her how much I care about her, so much that I'm willing to take on more than my share of the household chores.

    While that hasn't resulted in her starting to see guys again, it did result (for instance) in her saying to me yesterday morning that she sees sleeping next to me as being like having a slumber party every night. For a sissy cuck type like me, that's music to my ears, even if she's not dating and getting laid.

    The challenge for you, then, is to find what things like that are equivalent for you. What are the things that if she started talking about them with you, that would give you maybe, say, half as much of a thrill as sharing her with guys did? I know you'd like the whole thing, you'd like her to start getting laid. But short of that, what are the things that would be so exciting to you that you decide you could live without her spreading her legs for guys?

    xoxoxo

    Christine
     
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  8. MidAtlanticFun

    MidAtlanticFun Well-Known Member

    Dear Choose Life,

    DeannaHouston has provided some fabulous wisdom. You can’t demand/push/cajole your wife into something she doesn’t want to do (not that I think you will). Manipulation others for your desires never ends well, whether it be on the job, or in the family. You might consider asking if she would (and stating it is NOT your intention of getting her to restart hotwifing) calmly discuss what made her unhappy. The endgame would be for you to understand her feelings and thoughts. Great relationships have great communication. Perhaps something negative happened. Getting it off her chest might help her better deal with it, and help dispel those negative feelings. Again, this is NOT to try to get her hotwifing again. It is with the goal of helping her deal with something that wasn’t a positive experience.

    Showing her that her feelings and well-being are important is a display of love and caring. You two might never restart hotwifing again. If she has guilt feelings, something is at the root of them, and that probably needs to be examined, and put behind her.

    Just let her know you care, and support her.

    Best wishes,
    Eric
     
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  9. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    Broadly speaking, I agree with you Eric. Coercion and manipulation are bad in marriage as in any other human interaction. But circumspectly suggesting and gently introducing a handsome spunky young lover to one's wife---as I did with spectacular success 4 years ago---is plainly neither coercive nor manipulative and, I believe, could well lead to the beautiful fulfillment of the erotic desires of both Choose Life and (by his reading of her) his presently sexually unfulfilled wife. Making the first move to introduce a potential young lover to her in person does not commit anyone to anything and could easily turn the wife on strongly to the fulfillment of a desire which she and hubby have until now only dared to dream about. Why not cut with the present prevaricating and dillydallying and just try it?
     
  10. Choose life

    Choose life New Member

    Thanks a lot for the support and great advice. I was just wondering, where does manipulation starts and where does it end? I gave your reactions a lot of thought and already being really thoughtful to my wife, I cook, massage, wash her hair, listen to her stories when she had a bad day even if I have no time, I make time; I give her small presents, calm her down when she's upset, hugs, whisper sweet words... All this because I love her. Now just some food for thought: isn't this gentle behaviour already kind of manipulation too? Unconscious maybe, but in my opinion, it is... the beast is powerful you know. I do love her a lot, but I think the cuck-part of me "motivates" me to make sure she's happy... Because a happy lady could offer me what beast desires...
     
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  11. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    I think intention is the difference. Is your intention to give to her? Or is your intention to give to her so she will give you what you want? Your "intention" is what makes or not makes it manipulation.
     
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  12. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    Sure, with all your unfeigned displays of love for her she will by now have become pretty sure of your loving cooperation in meeting her romantic and sexual desires and needs as well---including the extramarital ones you have planted and nurtured in her mind. It is perfectly natural for her as a woman and your wife to be gently and at times even strongly leading you to act decisively on your desire to have her cuckold you---or rather cooperate with you in your urge to be cuckolded. It does not matter whether you apply the word "manipulation" or some other word to her quietly and trustingly guiding if not urging you to act when she is so aware of your desire for her to take the step she knows will sexually fulfill you both. So scrap your petty and counterproductive suspicions and fears of being "manipulated" and just credit her with a loving motive rather than a negative one in helping you man up and find or endorse the lover you so want her to have.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2016
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  13. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    I thought he was worried he was manipulating her. I think he is 100% supporting of her having a lover.
     
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