need some advice from experienced members

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by rgby7879, Jun 9, 2018.

  1. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    I'm having trouble putting my exact feelings into words so I'll just tell the whole story and how I feel.

    So I have been trying to get my girl to be a hotwife for me for about 2 years now. The turn-on for me is just seeing her with a hung man. She's long distance and our plan was to find a guy and make a video for me. We finally figured it out this week and everything came together.

    They were together for a few hours just watching movies. I was impatient and had pretty bad anxiety wondering what was going on but she kept me informed every half hour. I asked her please don't leave me hanging update me up until you do things with him. She assured me that she would keep me updated and let me know before anything happened. Something went wrong around midnight and he decided he didn't want to video tape anymore he said it was a little weird. She told me this but I told her to try and persuade him.

    After this she disappeared until 3 a.m. I almost lost my mind. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't be messaging me I didn't know what was happening. She came back at 3 and told me that they had sex and that she did not video tape.

    I am a little torn on how to feel. On one hand I wanted this so bad for so long, and this was her first time so I can imagine that things were awkward, difficult, and that no one's perfect accidents happen. Part of me is so turned on and loves to hear the story. But part of me is also feeling really betrayed that she disappeared like that, and made her own decision to not video. She explained to me that when I told her to persuade him she thought I meant for her to do it even without the video tape. I trust her she has never lied to me before and she had no interest in this Beyond doing it for me.

    I just get a really bad feeling in my stomach when I think about things and how she made me feel. I realize I may be selfish feeling like this and that this lifestyle is all about giving her the freedom to have fun when it's time. But I still feel like this wasn't right. None of this was premeditated so I don't hold it against her I just need to get my feelings out there and I want to hear what others have to say.
  2. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    I would like to add that this is not my first experience sharing. I had a long hotwife relationship with my last girlfriend and I never had any moment like the one I explained. Every time I shared her it was just a huge turn-on.
    hankhavelock likes this.
  3. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean, however I would suggest that NOT making a tape was the best thing,

    He would have a copy of this and with your wife clearly identifiable on it, what could he do with that? would you want friends and family seeing it?

    it maybe be was also nervous at giving you a copy identifying him, have you considered this?

    My wife has had rather a few lovers and most don't want to be identified for obvious reasons, some also don't feel comfortable making out with the wife knowing her husband wants to watch either.

    Turning a normal girl into a hotwife takes time, as you know, if you pressurise her about this disappointment you may well find that she gives up on this adventure completely seeing that it has caused you problems, so cool it, enjoy what you have. You say this isn't the first time for you but was it for your girl?

    I have often felt very frustrated that my wife out on a date hasn't contacted me, it drives me mad with kinky thoughts but this can turn to feeling I am being used too. The thing is when she is out with him it isn't about you, its about them, what they want and what your wife wants given she has been granted the freedom to go with him.

    I wouldn't despair, in my experience time will give you the video you want, maybe not with him but there are other bulls around and as she gains confidence from this encounter I suspect other opportunities will follow.

    So enjoy what you have gained from this, if its an adventure you both have enjoyed more will follow.
    rgby7879 likes this.
  4. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    I think its all expectations. I just desire to see and hear her screaming while taking a really big dick, and it happened, and i didn't get to see anything, the curiosity is maddening almost. I understand what you are saying, and its getting easier, I even told her to go ahead and do it again with the same guy without feeling pressured to make a video, to make her feel better about it, i feel like this will be good for me and her, I am afraid the first experience made her feel like this was something bad. when we are together this will all be a non-issue, I will video myself, or just watch.

    anyone else have any opinions about this?
  5. don_jetman

    don_jetman Well-Known Member Founding Member

    There are times when we have to give our wives/girlfriends a pass. I know you're upset, but this is a fairly minor thing. The guy didn't want to be taped. By then she was likely excited and into proceeding. If she would have called it off at that point, it kind of looks to him like some kind of entrapment. We, as husbands/boyfriends don't always get what we want, or at least how we imagine things will go every time. The ultimate power must be hers in the midst of sex. If she feels she must perform a certain way every time, or meet your personal expectations, she won't enjoy it, and may stop hotwifing altogether.

    The key benefit my wife has come away with is the power she has to control her own sex life. That doesn't mean we don't talk and share concerns, but it does mean if I want her to really enjoy herself and continue to pursue hotwifing, I have to let go to a certain degree and trust her decisions. That means sucking it up at times when she's into it and I'm uncomfortable. She must feel she has the freedom to act independently in the heat of passion.

    I know it's a common thing to have the wife/girlfriend call or text while she's with him. For my wife, that became an intrusion. She wants a little romance sometimes, then hot sex, and many times she needs privacy (even from me) to get the most enjoyment from it. She confessed early on that feeling tethered to me during sex with another guy was uncomfortable for her. I'm not sure why I didn't get that at first, but all I needed was a sincere explanation from her, and I immediately understood. I was guilty (as most of us are at one time or another) of putting my own need for satisfaction ahead of hers.

    We have to be very aware at all times not to intrude, especially in the immediacy of passion. If this is her first experience, it's especially important not to make her feel guilty, like she may have done something wrong. She needs encouragement, praise, and compliments about how sexy she is and must have been with him, no matter how much angst you feel. Don't make this about "stuff", like videos and pictures. Make it about your appreciation of her confidence and individual sexuality. She'll love you for it.

    Last edited: Jun 9, 2018
    capn.steve, hankhavelock and rgby7879 like this.
  6. don_jetman

    don_jetman Well-Known Member Founding Member

    I might add that this is an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Introspection is rewarding. How did your behavior affect the outcome? How did she see your behavior (ask her!)? If it was negative, think about how you might behave differently in the future to get a better result for both you and her. What can you lean about yourself that may change your behavior permanently, making you not only a better "hotwife" boyfriend/husband, but just a better person. Tie what you've learned to your everyday non-sexual relationship with her as well. The potential reward is more honest intimacy with her, and/or any future relationships.

    Very best to both of you.

  7. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    These replies have been massively therapeutic for me. I knew what you all would say, I just needed to read it. We are going to try and hook up with the same guy again tonight. No expectations of videos or constant updates. I'm going to test myself and try and focus on the good parts over the anxiety.
    Worth It likes this.
  8. hankhavelock

    hankhavelock Well-Known Member

    This seems to indicate that this time you really have your heart in it too, so to speak. And that's what could bring your upcoming cuckolding to a deeper level. This might be when the cucky angst becomes the most prevalent of the many emotions you go through as a cuckold. Once I was hit by the angst I experienced a degree of intensity that cannot really be compared to other feelings - at least not in my case.

    It was a rather fantastic, overwhelming cacophony of contradicting yet connected emotions that happened once she became more deeply involved with her lover. It truly had an almost sour/sweet edge leaving me close to numb (I cannot find a better word for it) and I knew I could do nothing else than succumb to this amazing feeling. All was now completely on her terms. The point of no return had been passed and it left me in some kind of powerless yet blissful sub-space that just went on and on. That surely was a defining moment for me.

    I completely agree with not turning your upcoming events into a media circus. Leave the cam at home, in fact, let her go alone and bask in the angsty sensations that surely will come knowing that your woman is now completely absorbed by another man. But above all, always keep open communication with her before/after (not during) such events.

    All best wishes!
  9. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    today i am having a lot of conflicting feelings. Part of to put everything behind me and do what everyone suggests, and just let her have fun with no expectations. But part of me is also holding a grudge against the guy she was with. He talked to me like he was my buddy for weeks and he told me that he was going to videotape and that I could count on him. I told him all her turn-ons and how to make her happy in bed. I completely hook him up and did all the work for him, and then when he finally met her he stops talking to me blocked my number and refuse to videotape. I really feel like he is kind of a douche bag for doing that to me and I'm not sure that I want to have him continue seeing my girl if that is how he's going to treat me. As far as I am concerned if he is going to be seeing my girl he needs to understand that I am a part of this.

    I talked to my girl about my concerns and she told me that she would rather not see him anymore. She said that she has no problems videotaping and that she wants to do that for me but she does not want to be put in the position where she feels obligated to do things with him and have nothing for me in the end, as she feels that this whole thing is for both of us and not just her. As a matter of fact she feels like it's more for me because I am the one who pushed for it, she would have never wanted this if I had not suggested it.

    So for now we will find someone different and hopefully things turn out better. I am hoping that we can do it in person next time that way it will get rid of all this drama completely
  10. gatorrdw

    gatorrdw Well-Known Member

    rgby7879, now that you have provided a little more insight, I am in agreement with your gf, your "buddy" is hanging you both out with the Oh yeah, I will to wanting your gf solo and blocking you out. The pleasure part is for your gf and if he's not going to comply with what the plan is then toss him, even your gf is realizing that he's a dick. Find a new guy that will play the way both of you want. GTR
    rgby7879 likes this.
  11. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    Any guy who gets the privilege of enjoying your girlfriend's pussy needs to do it on terms that you two set. Get rid of him and find someone together who will satisfy you both.
    obedientcuck and rgby7879 like this.
  12. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    That's exactly how I feel!!
  13. verkitwme

    verkitwme Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a loser, lose HIM !!
    rgby7879 likes this.
  14. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    We ditched him pretty much a week ago, we played with the idea of meeting again, but we cancelled on him once we really thought of how much he screwed us over last week. She deleted his number.
  15. obedientcuck

    obedientcuck Well-Known Member

    ^This. Even for "submissive" and "humiliated" cucks, it should be on the terms the cuck wants too. All three have to get what they want from the arrangement.
    rgby7879 likes this.
  16. keyless

    keyless Well-Known Member

    Yeah, your buddy screwed you over by altering the arrangement and blocking contact with you. I'd feel betrayed too.

    From the sound of it, you went out of your way for her lover to give him a hot experience, with your blessing, and were rewarded by being shut out of the experience entirely. Then he blocked you so he didn't have to deal with the ramifications of his actions. I'd kick him to the curb.

    I'd cut your Lady some slack. It sounds like she is working toward making this fulfilling for both of you and when it comes down to it, women have to shop around a little to find compatible partners who don't mind third parties watching them in the act.
  17. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    I have forgiven her completely, I know she went into this with the intentions of doing everything we planned, but things changed and she didn't know what to do, and she thought I would be okay with everything she did. We cut the guy out and we both feel better about everything now. Onto the next guy.
  18. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    Absolutely right. [1] It's all about her anyway, so cut her a lot of slack.
    [2] With my wife at least, it took her a lot of time and work to find her several male and female lovers. I respect that.
    [3] A little different for us. We met and married after Audrey had established her lovers, but she gave them the ultimatum that I can occasionally be there. They agreed.
  19. rgby7879

    rgby7879 Active Member

    I agree with cutting her a lot of slack, but I don't know how much I could cut her if she continued to do things like that. Not that I foresee her doing anything like that again. I understand that you all do this for her, but we don't follow that in our relationship. We aren't in a submissive cuckold partnership, prefer to call her a hotwife, she gets the majority of her pleasure from me, and I enjoy sharing her from time to time. There is no humiliation or dominance.

    We have decided to do this for us, and that means both of us must get something from this eventually.
    keyless and Worth It like this.
  20. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    I understand, exactly the same with us, except to start it was for my wife's enjoyment, not mine, and I didn't need to see it. Now I'm sometimes there, participating, or fucking her girlfriend.

    You are 100% right. Every relationship is based on an understanding and agreement on what each will do. For some things, there's no need for discussion because both see it the same way from the beginning. Other things take more talk. For us, it was Audrey giving up her married lovers where the wife didn't know.

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