All comments on the following would be appreciate.This is not fiction. I am happy to answer any questions and elaborate on any detail. It is all real, it is who I am. I don't care to be judged, I am very happy with who I am, if you find you don't like it, there are a world of stories on the internet, go find one that tickles your fancy. I have never been one for expressing myself in the written word, if you have any tips or suggestions please send me a PM. I would like to have a go at writing my own cuckold fiction one day. Probably I should stick to my day job. I am new to this forum but not to the lifestyle and over coming weeks I would like the opportunity to tell my story. There are lots of good experiences and some not so good... perhaps others new to this lifestyle can learn from my experiences and mistakes and become better at giving their wives the pleasure they need and deserve as a result. How did I get like this? Why do I stay? Why do I need to feel these crazy emotions? The cuckold conundrum is the contradiction that rules my private life. In this I feel (and hope) I may have something in common with many of you who visit this site. For me it started at youth group. A pimply faced 15 year old. Awkward and uncomfortable. My virginity written across my face like a giant billboard. Horny as a ten peckered owl. I was hit on by a girl who I can only say (at the time you understand) was the most beautiful creature ever to have been created. I was instantly in love. She gave me my first kiss and took me under her wing. She had experience in bed and liked to talk about the men that she had been with. She also made it clear that I would not be getting sex. Not at first that would come later. If I was good. I wanted sex. I was good. I learnt how to please her in more ways than I have had hot dinners. Sometimes she would let me come, but to sex, her legs were closed. After six months she had me totally. I would do anything she demanded, wanted or hinted at. Worse still she knew it. She decided it was time for me to give her what she really wanted, like those men before me had done. It was a big deal, the night was planned weeks in advance. It was built up to such a huge thing. On the night though it did not happen. She wanted it. You could see it in her eyes in her every movement and you could hear it on her breath. But I could not do it. I was neither big nor hard enough to do that one thing. I pleased her several times before she went to sleep but she made it very clear how dissatisfied she was. Soon she had another man. She delighted in telling me how he had fucked her several different ways on their first date, on the side of the road and she would not be needing me anymore. I was devastated. I was heartbroken, I did not understand it but I was also aroused. The girl I worshiped, the girl I wanted to have every pleasure, was getting the pleasure she wanted and it was not with me. For a while she kept me on as her part time play thing and servant, but I was soon discarded. She did some horrible things to me that I will never forgive. Humiliated me in front of my peers and accused me of things she knew full well I was not even capable of doing, purely for her own amusement, knowing I was completely unable to say or do anything. But she taught me a lot. Especially the importance (and methods) of pleasing your lady, in whatever way you can. What followed was about 4 years of relationships, they all started amazingly well, but ended similarly. When it came down to it, I did not have what it took to fuck. Sure I could give pleasure in other ways, Lots of other ways, but not fuck. The primordial act, that every woman seemed to need, desire and eventually demand, before moving on to someone who could. Enough for now… It gets better soon I promise….