Is cuckolding good for marriage?

Discussion in 'Real Life Experiences' started by hankhavelock, Nov 20, 2017.

  1. hankhavelock

    hankhavelock Well-Known Member

    This was a Quora question (Quora is actually kind of a very impersonal entity - I'm not even sure how it works) and I replied to it.

    Is my answer in line with what most of you would have replied here at this forum? Here we go...


    Is cuckolding good for marriage?

    Wow, that’s a tricky question. Based on my own experience YES - even though cuckolding was part of the reason for divorce - but not the main reason. It did, however, make our marriage much more adventurously exciting for as long as it lasted.

    Cuckolding can bring an almost mystical eroticism and sexuality into a marriage - provided that both hotwife and hubby are into it.

    The most important aspects, by my book, are HONESTY and OPEN, CONSTANT COMMUNICATION. Without these cuckolding can become an unnecessarily bumpy road.

    Based on my experience which includes communication with numerous couples over the years at dedicated cuckolding fora, it seems that cuckolding raises erotic awareness in a marriage - again provided aforesaid honesty and open, ongoing communication - and that has been the case in my cuckold marriages too. I’m now in my second cuckold marriage, and absolutely, the entirety of cuckolding has boosted an already amazing marriage to sexual new heights.

    So a simple answer would be: YES - it can - but it depends on the values of your marriage.

    BUT - don’t get me wrong here: cuckolding is NOT to be considered a “fun spice” of an otherwise deteriorated marriage. Cuckolding can most likely make an already wonderful marriage even more wonderful sexually and erotically, but I doubt it can save a doomed one :-(
     
  2. Wife4others

    Wife4others Active Member

    It's been a great addition to our marriage.
     
  3. Bartleby

    Bartleby Well-Known Member

    good way of putting it, Hank. My experience confirms everything you have written there. My marriage got a lot better with my wife's affair. I hope she will have another one some day.
     
  4. verkitwme

    verkitwme Well-Known Member

    All I can say is it works for us.
     
  5. All4HerPleasure

    All4HerPleasure Well-Known Member

    This is what we tell every couple we have this discussion with. For us it has certainly brought about a new spark in our relationship but the honesty and open communication are paramount. We meet so many couples who ask about it and then ask surprised when we tell them how we talk about everything.
     
  6. My marriage has never been better... My husband worships me and i have the freedom to do who i please... Brought us closer our sex life wilder and us more in love than ever
     
  7. sbcplseeking

    sbcplseeking Member

    It definitely is provided the couple got into cuckolding for the right reasons. Just like a child is a great thing if you had one for the right reasons.
     
  8. canadianwittol

    canadianwittol Well-Known Member Founding Member

    It's good for your marriage for every bit as long as it feels good for your marriage.

    Mature perspectives and the ability to handle unanticipated feelings is a must.

    I was first cuckolded eight years ago and have been ever since. Wouldn't live any other way.
     
  9. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member

    If i may stick my 10p worth into this, i am not as sure as the other contributors, to me it depends on so, so many things,

    I am sure that most normal couples would find that a husband who wishes his wife to be fucked by another man is disgusting, weird and so, so wrong on many moral fronts. I see this at work if anything of this sort is mentioned the disgust at the suggestion and laughter that follows is a normal reaction I am sure normal to the vast majority of people and leaves the husband open to such ridicule as to make him crawl away. I would think too any mention to family of this desire would result in the same reaction so id suggest that to the vast majority of the population this is a disgusting and immoral activity. I have come across loads of people over the net who mention their ex wives so it didn't work for them. Even handhavelock the author states: cuckolding was part of the reason for his divorce.

    It is my humble opinion that successful cuckold relationships are quite rare as handavelock correctly states,
    The most important aspects, by my book, are HONESTY and OPEN, CONSTANT COMMUNICATION. Without these cuckolding can become an unnecessarily bumpy road.
    I couldn't agree more.

    But what percentage of couples really have this relationship and can maintain an open and honest relationship forever forgetting pressure on morals from friends work mates and family? sure there are a lot of guys that would like to try this, but would they actually do it? also how many men realistically have a wife that has the same interest in cuckolding are both in a relationship that the man is able to mention this without any thought of getting a mouth full back or the upset that goes with this suggestion. Plus how many of their wives are prepared to actually allow another man to enter her married body with her husbands knowledge, then return home and tell him all? Most I suggest if they want to have different cock would rather just have an affair and never tell him.

    I do however accept that socially cuckolding is becoming slightly more acceptable to do and discuss

    So to those that may have read this and perceive I am a bitter chap, no I am not, I am just trying to give another side to this thread, those that have read my previous posts will know about us,

    We met when my wife to be was a untouched virginal 16 yo, very strong willed, a true wild child but mature and sensible when she wanted to be, of all the previous girlfriends I had, had she was the first when at 16 I asked her for a topless picture camera in hand, I had never thought of asking previous girlfriends quite why I dare ask her I have no idea perhaps it was because she was the most likely NOT to agree, as a very insecure girl really her reaction was shock followed by my dad wouldn't like it, that was her reaction not that she wouldn't or piss off as I would really have expected in the 80s. Seconds later without any further conversation or encouragement from me her top and bra came off for that picture.

    In the same way I suppose her admission shortly afterwards that she had offered her body to a man in his mid 30s whom she had flirted with whilst at school, willingly removed her top for him to fondle her young breasts, then bottled what she went for then felt cocky enough to ring me immediately afterwards and tell me of this mistake indicated on reflection each of our individual kinks, unknowingly to both of us at the time, I forgave this mistake making love to her the following night. As we've discussed maybe, just maybe we were more mentally in tune than either of us knew both having a naughty side now coming out and being accepted by each other.

    We know we are lucky to have the same kinks over the years our joint only regret is we didn't do things we've done a decade earlier that would have resulted in many things including in her 20s our third child fathered by a lover as i watched my wife being impregnated. We would both of liked that she would have liked a black baby now that would have stirred things up. I have rarely discussed this lifestyle with others I actually know however of the three that i have dared feel secure enough to admit any knowledge on this subject they have all fancied going down this road of becoming a cuck but not dared put the suggestion to their wives or as is common wanted to try this in an unsuitable or troubled relationship none have succeeded or truly know about us.

    As a cuck, typing in a CB, lacy knickers and collar I can say over 30 years yes cuckolding has added so much value and friendship to our relationship we have grown so much together partly due to our kinks but I suspect we are rare, we have achieved what few do maintaining this life style in secret from family and friends still enjoying sex together and still enjoying the benefits a second man can bring to our relationship.
     
  10. Pathedick

    Pathedick Well-Known Member Founding Member

    Thank you for a GREAT and Revealing Post.
    I would only challenge one thing abut it.
    You wrote :

    "It is my humble opinion that successful cuckold relationships are quite rare"

    It is my humble opinion that removing the word "cuckold" from your sentence would be much more accurate.
     
  11. sbcplseeking

    sbcplseeking Member

    Agreed wholeheartedly.
     
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  12. UCUM666

    UCUM666 Well-Known Member

    Pathedick: Right on man. And when you stop and think about it, is it really so surprising the difficulty in finding perfect matches between men and women. First off, they're so different anyways. I'm divorced and have had numerous failed relationships, although to my credit, most of my relationships have lasted 3-5 years, and my marriage was 12. Don't think for a minute I don't accept my share of the responsibility in those that have failed. But when I look back now, as a (somewhat) mature and experienced man of 55, I've come to see that (most, not all) men and women just have different values, goals, and interests. It still amazes me that divorce rates aren't closer to 90%, which tells me there's a lot of unhappy people out there. But if a man can find a woman (and vica-versa) where you truly connect on those three points I mentioned, you are lucky individuals to say the least. Also, when it comes to kinky sexual behaviors, and cuckolding more specifically, it is my opinion that women (in general) cannot understand the psychology of a man that would allow his woman to fuck other guys. It is a rare woman indeed who can appreciate the lifestyle, and more importantly, has the sexuality that allows her to succumb to the drug-like effects of this fantasy. Because when you stop and think about it, isn't there a distancing from reality that we men enter into when subjecting ourselves into this role? And to be honest, I believe there are many people (of both sexes) that simply cannot exit the state of reality needed to enter into the realm of this fantasy lifestyle. And here's where men should be careful, because it has become evident to me that there are women out there looking to take advantage of such men. There are females who'd love nothing more than to have a man totally subservient, maybe providing shelter, doing all the chores, etc., while they live the high life, fucking whomever they wish. Now don't get me wrong, I'm on this site like most of the rest of you. I too love the idea of submitting to a dominant, highly sexual woman. But I refuse to be taken advantage of. So guys, just keep the antennas up. Any man that finds a woman that truly loves him, and has the level of sexuality conducive to truly living out this lifestyle is a one in a billion find. And I continue in my search to also find that perfect gal....
     
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  13. Pathedick

    Pathedick Well-Known Member Founding Member

    I believe that you covered the bulk of the factors that are NOT conducive to finding AND KEEPING a LIFE Mate. It’s the 2nd part of that last sentence that especially makes it all the More Rare.
    I don't care what people say or Claim, I TRULY BELIEVE, based on late in my 50's Wisdom, that People Change throughout Life. And when you get TWO people Changing, it could be in Opposite directions. Your PERFECT Soul Mate today might be your Perfect Nightmare in 20 years, or more.

    Which is why your Wisdom on another thing you note should be HEEDED. It’s fine to be in a ONE partner Led Life. With ONE partner Controlling some or even MOST aspects of the others Life (in addition to Sexual), IF that is what you Both are into. I would Adore being a Sissy Maid to a Partner or Couple. BUT Great Care should be taken to Always protect yourself and your future, Financially. Putting EVERYTHING in ONE persons hands might be a turn on FANTASY for some BUT the REALITY can EASILY come CRASHING Down on you some day in the Future.
     
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  14. UCUM666

    UCUM666 Well-Known Member

    I like your response, but how much do people really change throughout life? Should I still cling to my current g/f who after five years does not seem to have it in her to take on the dom role?
     
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  15. Pathedick

    Pathedick Well-Known Member Founding Member

    Well I don't want to heavily influence you, but since you asked for input I will reply.

    First I consider myself to be a TRULY UNIQUE Individual. With a WIDE VARIETY of views on Many things that our Society tries to Pigeonhole people into totally Aligned, Unthinking Groups of views. Therefore it's because of this that I no longer believe that there is a Soul Mate, for Me. And I am MORE than FINE with that. I no longer NEED, or even WANT to be in a Relationship. I am the type of person that is PREFECTLY Fine being alone. I want to have my Freedom. Yes I Hope to remain Sexy as a Sissy Gurl, for as long as I can, but I want Lots of Men, NOT "A Man". Nor do I believe at this point in my life that there is ONE Woman for me. I'm fed up with Negative Emotions, like Envy, Jealousy, Anger, and especially Hate. I think I tend to bring out the Anger part because of my Uniqueness and Independence.

    Therefore when I said People Change, I Must admit that I think that it is Much More Likely to be from your Soul Mate instead of Towards your Soul Mate. That's the Pessimist in me. Sorry but after 5 years, the Odds are getting Low, she is going to more closely align with what you are seeking. That doesn't mean that you should give up. There is Always a Chance, maybe with a different approach, but again you should realize the Odds aren't Great. Additionally You have to take YOU into the decision for the Future. You may be the type that Does Need Someone (VERY COMMON) and therefore Settling is what People Choose over the Unknown.

    I've just become More and MORE the We get but ONE Life, it's Short, and can End at Any time, So LIVE it. Has MY Philosophy.
    But I don't Encourage others to be Me, I Encourage them to be Themselves.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2017
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  16. don_jetman

    don_jetman Well-Known Member Founding Member

    I'm not sure that "change" is the right word for what happens when we discover the need to explore this lifestyle. Maybe it's that two people feel safer being brutally honest about intimate fantasies when they're together long enough to develop the level of trust they need. I think most "vanillas" harbor a lot of fear and guilt about their secret kinks. From an early age we learn it's not pleasant to be ostracized because of who we are or what we think. Society wants us to be "normal", so we try our best to do just that.

    When L and I first dated I would have been devastated if I knew she had been unfaithful. There was so much possession in my feelings toward her. She was MY girl. She had sex with me FIRST. And she was the stereotypical "good girl", so I was pretty confident I was the ONLY man she wanted. L is a beautiful woman, but in those days, she had babydoll killer looks. Guys just seemed to lose their mind when they saw her. No regard for me, or politeness or decency. They'd come up to her and say some pretty outrageous things to try to fuck her. She'd blush and politely turn them down, but now and then she'd tease me a little when she knew I was watching. Maybe lead them on a little, or let them get close enough to touch her, or even kiss her without warning. As innocent as she acted much of the time, there were signs that she was tempted, at least a little, although she'd always deny it. It made me furious with jealousy, because even when she turned him down, the guy would usually walk away with a smug look like he had taken a piece of her from me, or that he'd definitely try again when I wasn't with her.

    By the time we were engaged I began to notice a sliver of sexual excitement along with the jealousy. It was so disconcerting I tried to deny or bury it at first. Even as the feelings grew, and I began to nurture them, I never told L. I was too embarrassed. I lied to myself about the times L was especially horny after some event on campus with her "friends". "She's just in a good mood after the concert and glad to see me. She would never really fuck any of those guys," I told myself. She'd mention their names and what they did together all week on campus, the classes they had together, the pizza they shared in each others' rooms. All with this knowing twinkle in her eyes. As she tortured me with her good-natured teasing, I gradually began to masturbate to thoughts of her fucking all of them in every conceivable situation, sublimating my anger and doubt in orgasm after orgasm. But I never told her. I never let on that it bothered me, and acted even more suspicious when we were together, which only led her to tease me more about them, eventually indignant that I thought she would do such a thing. All the signs were there, in spite of her known reputation of coquettish innocence.

    We were married for years before I finally confessed my fantasy, and to my surprise, she wasn't horrified. In fact, she seemed interested, in role playing at first in bed, and finally choosing the guy she wanted to fuck. I lived with my fantasy for so long, until at last it seemed she might be trusting enough to listen. She kept her secret, that she was fucking three of those guys on campus, until just after I confessed. In fact, she admitted she still fantasized about having sex with one of them.

    Maybe we wouldn't have been mature enough to share and accept our sexual fantasies years earlier. But it took years together before either of us was comfortable doing it. Years before we trusted that the other wouldn't be sickened, or even maybe leave. To an outsider, all this might look as though we changed and went a little crazy doing this perverted hotwifing. But the seeds have been there for a long time. The only change was that we were finally able to be ourselves.

    Don
     
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  17. Pathedick

    Pathedick Well-Known Member Founding Member

    Well your and her experience is Wonderful and Very Real. But I too, like you would not call it Change. At least Not the "People Change" that I was Referring to and trying, maybe unsuccessfully, to impart. The kind of Change you are talking about in Your Case is the Same thing that I Described, probably in too much detail in my Over 3 Decades of Cuckold Life Thread having to do with Self Discovery, of what Was Already There.

    But the Change I was Referring to is not only the way MOST people not only ACT, which can be Way Different from the Way they Feel and Think. I'm talking about the Way people Feel and THINK Changes As We Experience, Gain REAL (as in REALITY, Not Fantasy) Wisdom and a Greater Understanding of Not Only WHO we ARE, But WHO we DESIRE to BE.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2017
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  18. don_jetman

    don_jetman Well-Known Member Founding Member

    I think you're especially right about acquiring wisdom as we age. We get more comfortable in our skin, better able to balance emotion with critical thinking, and gain a broader perspective on all things. It's why I cringe a little when I hear young couples, especially unmarried ones, talk about trying cuckolding. I don't mean it as an insult, but I question whether they have the wisdom you speak of (and I think of) when emotions and hormones rule young bodies. I'm also an advocate of getting as much experience as possible in both love and sex before settling down. Broaden your horizons. Grab handfuls of life. To quote a wise race, seek infinite diversity in infinite combinations. Oh - and have fun.

    Don
     
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  19. tractorman

    tractorman Well-Known Member

    Don, i agree about young couples and wisdom, I cannot see any way this is good for a couple early in a relationship especially young people, "I love you but want you to fuck other men"

    Love, trust, honestly and affection are important building blocks in any relationship I read so much about people asking how do I put this idea to my wife? I have longed suspected that a wife is either already switched on to the idea or isn't, I would love to know the figures for wives that are asked straight out and agree to go down this road then do so. I suspect the figures are very low percentage wise. Experience has shown me in our relationship that there sign posts that give an indication of the likelihood of success and willingness of a wife to want to embrace this "hobby". Experience has also shown me that whilst these aren't obvious hints they are things that give away some incite into the thought process of a women even if they were unconsciously given .

    Without going off on one about our relationship which I suspect will bore people for us it was really quite straight forward even if the sign posts were there but I missed them till the sign hit me in the face, to name a few, which I didn't pick up on at the time,

    Just starting out in a friendship with me, free of her virginity she felt she could/should tell me she had gone out one night by arrangement and offered her body to a man in his mid 30s she had known since she was 15, obviously as above she was 16 when she did this, topless in his car she bottled doing the full act which she later admitted was her intention, I wasn't too upset as then I had no thoughts on keeping her anyway, it didn't concern me how much older he was either, he was older than her mother. Making love to her willing body the following night this indiscretion was forgotten.

    I did by this time already enjoy other men looking at her, she didn't.. she is 6ft slim and therefore very tall for an 80s girl. I noticed early on when she was wearing skin tight jeans men would look at her bum and legs encased in tight denim and I liked the power I suppose from the point of view you can look, but I can touch and I progressed to doing so without her knowing what I was doing fondling her buttocks when I knew men were looking at her stood up in pubs. I would hope nighty that she wouldn't wear a skirt when we went out as It impeded my kink. With a boyfriend taller than her she even took later to wearing high heals which added to this for me, later I have wondered if really she didn't mind being looked at so much after all.

    Her second admission of a mistake made on the way back from the airport when she was 17, after she had been on a girls holiday was she had got drunk and been fucked by a lad she burst into tears she didn't like that, I stopped the car and took her, making love to her to make her feel better, I knew then that turned me on. It didn't shock me what she was telling me.

    In her mid 20s my best friend started asking me naughty things about her, over a year or so he admitted he would like to seduce her, would I allow him to try? I refused but over the year or so the chats got more and more naughty and direct and I found I was warming to the idea till I finally agreed he could try. Stupidly I had already given him permission to visit our house when I was at work but never put 2 and 2 together for some reason trusting my wife. It therefore never concerned me arriving home to see him having a brew, only later did she confess sometimes she had his seed in her as she acted as a normal wife would. God I was dumb.

    Shortly afterwards I watched and partly videoed the later stages as he fondled, undressed my young wife and mounted her whilst we were both drunk and pumped his live seed into her, he was sober. Only years later did I realise after she admitted a long term affair with him that they had agreed before hand to let me watch what I thought was the first time but wasn't. With this information I realised from the video I had watched numerous times they were obviously very familiar with how they touched each other and kissed.

    With this admission came another admission her driving instructor she had also aged 21/22 had him too, desperate to cling to her marriage she told me all, that was how we became open and honest with each other, the start of a real marriage. Now I felt as I warned her next time it was over, we would have honestly finally, She in begging for forgiveness agreed to stop playing around something I knew she meant at the time, but I also realised finally she would continue later as she liked foreign hands and cock the thrill and the sex. Shortly after I admitted I liked it too she just however couldn't understand why I liked this.
     
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  20. don_jetman

    don_jetman Well-Known Member Founding Member

    It's interesting that many of us developed our penchant for wife sharing while observing other men ogle and come on to her. To some, maybe it's simply voyeurism, but I'm sure in my case it was a way to cope with my jealousy, and the fact that I was helpless to stop it. I wasn't going to change those guys' alpha-ness, their fearlessness with my girl, nor was I going to change L's natural appreciation for their compliments, however forward or crude. And any attempt to throttle her teasing about it just resulted in more grins and teasing. She met every second of my anger and exasperation with more girlish laughs and what she claimed to be manufactured innuendo about her and other guys. She loved (and still loves) teasing me beyond my limit. To which I can only marvel at her sexiness and playfulness. I simply just can't stay mad at her to this day.

    Was I dumb to believe she was faithful in light of all the evidence and my suspicions? Maybe. But back then I thought like most younger guys - girls just didn't do those things or think like that. And, to make things worse, I knew looks-wise she was out of my league. If she had cared more about looks, many of those guys would have taken her from me in a heartbeat. At least until she discovered they were jerks. So part of my discomfort was insecurity. I really fell for her hard, and struggled to convince myself she was faithful. I WAS dumb to assume that she was what I saw on the surface, the coy little girl who must be everything I assumed she was.

    Maybe I'm just from an older generation, but so many of us men wrongly assumed so much about women. Maybe many still do. The fact is that all women - ALL women - have just as frequent and varied sexual fantasies as men. I'm fairly certain there are no exceptions. They hunger for great cock the way we drool over hot pussy. They have Prince Charming fantasies, rape fantasies, old boyfriend fantasies, BDSM fantasies, older men fantasies, younger men fantasies, celebrity fantasies, and probably dirty fantasies about fucking your best friend. They won't let you know because men have punished them for expressing those thoughts, or society has reinforced the idea that suppressing them is the proper thing for a lady to do. Then we're surprised, shocked, and angered when our assumptions collapse in a smouldering heap. Learning this, hearing your wife tell you, seeing her show you by her actions, is both the most liberating and arousing thing I've learned in life. Just thinking about some of L's fantasies, her unashamed willingness to bring them to light and even act on them, has me hard as I write this.

    It isn't that some wives will never be hotwives. It's that it's hard to free the hotwife from the wife. Too many guys want it right now, without imagining what that must be like for her. The time and patience required can be extraordinary. It can be like winning her as your wife a second time. Sometimes the hotwife has to be enticed from the wife. All too often it's dragged out of her with little or no regard for her embarrassment or fears. Trust me - she wants strange cock as much as you want her to have it. But often it's breadcrumbs, tiny steps, and your utmost love and consideration that allows, not demands, her to free the hotwife inside.

    Don
     
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