I don't know if I'm a cuck or not need help

Discussion in 'Methods, Techniques and Advice' started by Socks87, Jan 11, 2017.

  1. Socks87

    Socks87 New Member

    Ok here goes, I've been married to my wife for 2 years now but I've been with her for 11. Both of us have been faithful throughout but for the past year or so I've had the urge to watch her have sex with someone else. I've searched cuckold porn and stories and most involve servicing 'the bull' but I'm really not into that. The thought of touching another mans penis repulses me although I'd love to see it in my wife. I'm the dominant type and we don't practice any submissive activities. In fact all our sex life is mainly me on top, picking positions, telling her what to do and we both like this. Outside of the bedroom she's the boss and we have a superb relationship. She's the love of my life and I never want to be without her and she feels the same.

    Could someone please advise me what is going on in my head. Am I a voyeur, a cuck or just want to see my wife further dominated. I'm so confused and the urge for this is becoming unbearable. I masterbate about 5 times a week thinking about it.
  2. saturn

    saturn Super Moderator Staff Member

    I'll take a stab at this for you. I'm going to leave out the dictionary definitions and just go with the slang terms here. Based on what you wrote you are quite similar to me. I refer to myself as a "hotwifer". That is I want my wife to be a hotwife. Hotwives have sex with other men just like all of the other cuckolding categories, but in my case I do not want/desire any contact with the other man (at least not in sexual situations). Nor do I want any humiliation for either my wife or myself. I just want to see her get fucked in any manner she chooses. In my case though, I don't want to see her dominated unless that is what she wants; completely up to her.

    There's nothing wrong with you as far as I can tell with what you wrote. Have you talked to her about your fantasy at all? Any hinting toward her? Has she brought anything related up?
    JeffHouston and DeannaHouston like this.
  3. Socks87

    Socks87 New Member

    Thank so for reply. It's great to see someone in a similar position. I don't want to see her be humiliated either but she likes to be dominated so I would have no problem with that. She enjoys rough sex but not over the top. I don't really like the rough part but sometimes she'll ask me to pull her hair really hard, spank her or choke her a little. It's not my style but I'll play along because she likes it and I get my greatest joy in sex by pleasuring her.

    As for telling her. I've told her a few times. She was semi-open to it but we've no idea how to go about it. We watched porn a few times and we came across a gangbang and she loved it and she said she'd love that (she was drunk at the time). I don't know if I'd go that far but I'd love to watch her have sex.

    PS she never brings it up it's always me so I've stopped because I wouldn't want to force my fetishes on her. I'm not that way inclined although I would be over the moon, jumping for joy infact, if she did.
    JeffHouston and DeannaHouston like this.
  4. saturn

    saturn Super Moderator Staff Member

    Are you sure you would be ready for the reality of it? Have you thought it through? Do you want to be there watching or not? Do you want to participate? Just wondering. If you're serious about moving forward with it, you have a few ways to go about it.

    First is the direct method. Have a sit down conversation about this where you both discuss it, go over "rules", desires, etc. This means sitting at the kitchen table or similar environment. This conversation should not happen during sexy time, although if you wind up fucking her on the table after the conversation that's usually a good sign. :) You've already talked with her about it, but now it's time to get down to the business of making it happen. With the direct method you usually either win or lose. She's in or she's out. If she's in then you both get to start the hunt based on the "rules" you both set out, such as does she get to pick the guy (YES) or do you (NO! Well, at least not with direct input from her!). If she's out then after a while you can try the other methods below.

    It sounds like you'd feel better going the indirect method. This is where you drop hints, suggestions, etc. One way is the "random guy checking you out" method. At a store/mall/etc mention you saw a guy checking her out. Just casually mention it without anything sexual about it. Another great way to get things moving along is the "dream scenario". This is where you tell her about this hot dream you were having where she was getting fucked by somebody else (a stranger, a guy yall know, whatever is the right choice for your situation). Going this route you get to be sexual about it. Make sure she knows how turned on it made you: "I thought I was going to wake up cumming from a wet dream it was so hot!"

    Either way ("guy checking you out" or "dream scenario") don't be too over the top about it. In fact the random guy either needs to be out of site when you bring him up or you better actually have a guy that was checking her out to point out to her (if he's her type), because she might ask who it was and want you to point him out. The dream scenario can't be too realistic and should have parts you can't quite remember. The dream should not be a detailed description of your fantasy! It should be littered with real dream fixtures such as not being your actual, real life home, but you "lived there in the dream" and it was similar, etc. Or the guy "looked like our friend John, but it wasn't him". Things like that to make sure it sounds like a real dream.

    If things are going well meaning she didn't shut you down on the random guy or dream, then eventually you could start taking things to the fantasy stage (if you haven't already). That is dirty talk during sexy time. Bring up that "guy" or the "dream" when yall start fooling around. Gauge her reaction and keep going or slow down.

    Hope things go well. With your description it sounds like it should go well. Let us know how it turns out.
  5. Socks87

    Socks87 New Member

    Great advice. I will try all of this in the up coming weeks. I'll take it very slow.

    Funny you say that about the dream. I actually did have a dream and I told her 'OMG I had a mad dream about you last night' she asked what it was but I couldn't bring myself to tell her because it was so ludicrous and in my eyes over the top. She pestered me for days for me to tell her until I was at work one night and she text me and told me she hid my PlayStation controller and I wouldn't get it back until I told her. We went on texting and I gave in. We both got so horny (yes I was still at work) she even sent pictures of what I was telling her asking if this is what I dreamt. Which meant she was looking into it. Neither of us have brought it up since.

    I know she loves me unconditionally and I think she's afraid that if we explore this it may be the beginning of the end but I'm a well educated, logical man and I've thought of all the outcomes, repercussions and feelings I will encounter. I know it's the jealousy that fuels my desires. I know it's watching her get pleasured by another man. I know it's the kink, the thrill, the excitement. So I'm ready but I don't think she is.

    She also asked if this was my way of being allowed to sleep with another woman but it's quite the contrary. I wouldn't be unfaithful to her in a million years nor would I want to take another woman into the bedroom as I know she would absolutely hate this. Same goes for her, she wouldn't want another man but I really want her to.
    JeffHouston and DeannaHouston like this.
  6. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    Addressing your request to advise: What is going on in your head is very evident from a straightforward reading of your post, in the broad and in its detail. One does not have to be especially logical of mind or well-educated to discern that.

    For the past year, you say, you have been aware of an urge, now becoming unbearable, to watch your wife being fucked by another man. That is at present only a fantasy, but significantly an apparently troubling masturbatory one and is causing you to be confused.

    Your fantasy is one which a goodly percentage of husbands have privately indulged and sometimes arranged with their wives to be brought to physical fulfillment.

    What is significantly missing from your account is whether or not your wife is aware of your urge. Going by your saying that you and your wife have a superb relationship, I could believe that your wife may well be understanding and even encouraging of your fantasy. But it is not reasonable or logical of you to assume that, if your wife did have sex with another man, you would want to see her "further dominated" by him, unless you two cannot conceive of sex being satisfying or fulfilling without domination of the woman by the man, or are habituated or even hard-wired to demand and require it.

    The converse may well be true, in that you may have discerned, or merely thought, that something more fulfilling than domination is missing from your wife's love-life. That something could be tenderness, or the highly-focused erotic attention and consideration of the woman by the man which ideally results in the equal sharing of sexual power that characterizes true lovemaking, especially between a new lover and a woman craving a deeper erotic experience and thereby greater sexual satisfaction. The latter, especially if fulfilled before your very eyes, you may well get off on too.

    If on careful consideration, putting your present lusting aside for a while and thinking logically, you believe the latter might be true, be on the lookout for confirmatory signs in your wife that it may be. Then, at a carefully-chosen moment, gently ask her if it is.

    Finally, if you do disclose your fantasy to your wife, for the present I would be very careful indeed, no matter how raunchy you may perceive her to be, to avoid revealing any wild or outrageous behavior you may be minded to impose to enhance your mutual love-life for your own sexual satisfaction. The same goes for any and all percievably selfishly-restrictive limits you may think to impose on the identity and sexual preferences and orientation of the lover your wife chooses and how she interacts sexually with him.
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2017
  7. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    "She also asked if this was my way of being allowed to sleep with another woman but it's quite the contrary. I wouldn't be unfaithful to her in a million years nor would I want to take another woman into the bedroom as I know she would absolutely hate this. Same goes for her, she wouldn't want another man but I really want her to."

    This is a key, this concern...you unlock this door and...well you get your desires. I am a hotwife/cuckoldress and for me this was a major blocker....this fear...this concern. And my husband spends a lot of his time and energy trying to soothe this fear when it visits even now. So crazy that I care....that I want him for myself...that I value his cock being for me and my pleasure. And time has show that he was right. This was not a trick to force me into letting him have sex with other women.

    As a second thought, Saturn is wise and he gave more advice than is typicall of him. He must relate to you. I would read and reread what he says and I agree with him.
    JeffHouston, bricbat and saturn like this.
  8. bricbat

    bricbat Well-Known Member

    I can give you advice from my own experience. My wife assured me that it is very common for men to desire this.
  9. Socks87

    Socks87 New Member

    How does your wife know this?
    bricbat likes this.
  10. Socks87

    Socks87 New Member

    Thanks for your post. Very helpful!
    JeffHouston likes this.
  11. bricbat

    bricbat Well-Known Member

    hmm....good question....;).....she said that one of the times that I told her how I felt about her being with a lover.
  12. Socks87

    Socks87 New Member

    Has she been with another lover whilest with you?
  13. JeffHouston

    JeffHouston Well-Known Member

    Hi socks, I recommend patience. Let her come back to you when she is ready. You have said that she would not want another man. Accept her. If she changes her desire, accept her. She is yours to accept, love and nurture. She is not for you to allocate or pressure. When she brings it up again, let her know that you want to try to do whatever she likes may enhance her sexual pleasure.

    As for your desires, they make sense. Women are far more capable lovers than men. You love her and want her to experience great pleasure. I'm guessing that you get more pleasure from her enjoyment than your own orgasm.
  14. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    Women are far more capable lovers than men?? Measured on what scale please, Jeff?
  15. rob788

    rob788 Guest

    Not all cuckolds are bi-sexual. I'm not but know some who are. As far as I can determine from reading psychology research, most cuckolded husbands have no interest in having sex with the men in their wives' lives. We have met both straight and bisexual husbands at swinger/hot wife social mixers. I certainly don't mind associating with those who do and don't judge them for their desire. We're all different in one way or another.

    We fully understand your desire to have other men fuck your wife. I think everyone on this website gets that.
  16. bricbat

    bricbat Well-Known Member

    Sorry--I didn't see this until now. If you're asking me, that is.

    The answer is....I don't think so. But I'm not sure. I mean, there are a lot of things that go on in her life that she doesn't share with me. One way to think of it is that I've been "friend-zoned." If there is something "interesting" that's goes on, I usually hear about it secondhand, or she let's it slip when she's talking to me, etc.

Share This Page