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How Does She Punish You?

Discussion in 'BDSM' started by pushedAside, Mar 18, 2008.

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How Does She Punish You?

  1. Spanking, Face Slapping, Hair Pulling?

    50.8%
  2. Verbally Scolds You at Home and/or in Public?

    50.8%
  3. Take Away Something You Enjoy? Television, Golf, Bowling, the Internet!!!

    16.1%
  4. Is It Related To Cuckolding? She Refuses To Give You Details or You Can No Longer Watch.

    28.0%
  5. Is It More Sexually Extreme? She Pegs You With A Strap-On!

    42.4%
  6. Other : Please Post A Description.

    6.8%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. pushedAside

    pushedAside Guest

    Is it cerebral?

    Does she take something away from you? Like a hobby, television, bowling night?

    Is it sexually related?

    Does she take you over the knee and go to town on your hide?

    Is it something related to cuckolding? Maybe she lets you watch and then takes that away.

    Is it more extreme? She tells you to turn around as she tightens the strap-on around her waist. :color:

    --

    I guess the other question is: What is punishment? What purpose is it serving?

    If the punishment is for our satisfaction it takes on a completely different meaning then when our wives are really pissed at us.

    We husbands tend to think of punishment as spanking, caning, scolding, etc. But is that really an effective way for our strong wives to maintain order? I’ll give a few examples in our marriage.

    There was a post I wrote a few months back detailing J’s first time administering physical punishment on me. I had been late earlier that day to meet her and her family. I left them waiting for about 20 to 30 minutes. That night I got my first thrashing with a wooden spoon while my wife had me by the hair and carefully dictated what I had done and how it would NEVER happen again.

    Punished For Being Late

    Was it humiliating? Yes.

    Was it painful? Yes

    Was it effective in achieving an end result of me being on time? Yes.

    Now the second scenario is more recent. As is with everything else, my wife controls the finances. There are more reasons for this than just another way for me to be subservient.

    Money burns a whole in my pocket before it even gets in my pocket. J is way more restrained and organized. So you can understand why I have to ask permission any time I want to buy something. I have to say the amount I need, when I’m planning on buying it, etc. Recently I went out and bought a few books without asking my wife first. The result of this was something just as painful as a hard smack on the ass.

    J took away my privilege to buy coffee in the morning.

    “What!?!†You say. “That’s pathetic!†You say.

    “That doesn’t hurt as much as a strap!†You say.

    Oh, but for me it does. I work from a home office and one of the greatest little pleasures I have is going out to a local coffee shop, talking to the regulars, the people behind the counter, and getting a cup of coffee. It’s a little ritual that helps me start my day.

    So when J takes that away for two weeks. (Of which I’m still serving.) It hurts - A LOT!

    Was it humiliating? Yes.

    Was it painful? Yes.

    Was it effective in achieving the end result of me ALWAYS asking permission to spend money? ABSOLUTELY!

    So which is more effective? Or are they just two different sets of tools for wives to use?
     
    Vixen likes this.
  2. DomMorgan

    DomMorgan Guest

    pushedaside:

    I'm beginning to understand that your wife has a particular talent for this lifestyle. Or perhaps you are simply expressing your feelings and seeking confirmation. If either is true, I hope that she is reading this.

    It is one of the great contradictions in the BDSM lifestyle that submissives want to be disciplined, and yet enjoy the punishment. How does a Dom/me balance these contradictions without it becoming a case in which submissives misbehave in order to receive their pleasure?

    I guess it is possible that the dominant could simply hit hard enough not to be enjoyable. But I grew up in that environment. To me, that is simply abuse. What we need is a way to separate physical intensity from true emotional (but not damaging) punishment.

    I have been truly disappointed on a major scale with a submissive. Since there is no chance she will read this, and I wouldn't mind if she did, I'll explain. This is a situation that exceeds what you are describing. However, I find that taking situations to the extreme often highlights the most important factors.

    I had met this woman several times because she travelled to me. She completely thought that she was my slave. We were considering her moving to live with me once I left my marriage (which was already scheduled).

    But she got drunk one night, and allowed a guy and then his gal to flail away with her, and then she offered oral sex to both. I'm trying to keep this a bit lofty in language. (grin)

    In time, I would see her do the same in my presence more than once. But was she a free agent, or my submissive/slave? Were these decisions for her to make on her own? And at the beginning of a relationship without asking? And how should I react?

    Well, offering physical punishment would be simply part of the game. She was very physically deeply intensive, by the way. So I simply cut her off. No communication for five days. This was a woman who hoped to move in with me. I needed five days to reconsider.

    In those five days, I later learned, she talked to her female submissive friends. A couple of them were submissive/slaves to some of the leaders of the field. Two of those leaders have written books on the subject. The women both asked her "What were you thinking?"

    What do I take away from this experience? The game of physically punishing for truly disappointing behavior is dysfunctional if you already play with physical intensity. Even denial can be used erotically.

    However, two things seem to work. First, there is "the voice." OK, I happen to be blessed with a radio announcer's voice. When I am not happy, I don't have to speak loudly. I simply have to express my disappointment. I have learned that my disappointment is quite intimidating. But if someone is trying to please you, any disappointed voice will do the trick.

    Second, a "time out" may internally hurt you both, but in a power exchange relationship, the submissive has offered to obey. And the option to cancel the "time out" is on the dominant's side.

    Both sides will suffer when things aren't working. That is equally true in relationships that have nothing to do with BDSM. And if the dominant is not being reasonable, the submissive is equally free to walk away. But that is the dominant's incentive to make sure that s/he is meeting the submissive's needs.

    I still love this lifestyle. It does force both sides to communicate, and not only when the are in each others' presence.

    Morgan
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2008
  3. newsub4A

    newsub4A Distinguished Member

    When we first started this lifestyle Goddess had me keep two journals. One for all the chores i did in day (including those assigned by Her) as well as the nice little things i did for Her. The other was a record of my misbahvior. i had to log anything that i did wrong or any rule i broke. At the end of each week She would then spank me based on how bad i was versus how good i was.

    This was a total failure. The problems were many... First, it was for the most part on the honor system so i could fudge if i wanted (i did once or twice towards the end of that phase). Second, i wanted the spankings that were my punishments. i am a "pain slut" to use Dom Morgans words. Lastly, She really hated doing the punishements. She did not understand my need for the physical pain, Her hitting me that way disturbed Her and She would put off doing it until the last minute, making for a shorter session and often leaving me feeling cut-off and unfulfilled in a negitive way (the reason i fudged towards the end).

    Now She has a better grasp of my needs and desires. Spankings and such are now play scenes. Punishment is much different. She will correct me with a look and a comment and if it is a more sever infraction will later bring it up and offer addition correction, usually by not letting me be around Her. She knows that in my chaste state there is nothing i like better than fawning over Her and serving Her. Just as there is nothing i hate worse than Her telling me to leaver Her alone! Of course, this works well on two fronts for Her. It punishes me and it offers Her a respite from my submission which i admit of late has been too intense. (I am currently working on dialing down my submission and giving us both some breathing room).
     
    kingbull likes this.
  4. pushedAside

    pushedAside Guest

    Morgan,

    It’s a lot of both. Although we are still pretty new to all of this my wife has become particularly good at mixing up her punishment methods. I honestly can’t tell you if she does it purposefully, if she is just searching for the most effective practice, or if she’s just having fun with trying as many things as she can think of. Quite honestly I don’t know. But keeping me guessing is very effective in and of itself.

    Her goal is very clear however. J does all of this in an effort to improve me. That was something we discussed at the beginning. I expressed a desire to be led and helped in becoming a better husband and person. J would always want things done a certain way but felt that she was obligated to work together equally out of “fairness.†The result was a lot of classic wife nagging her lazy husband. Which she HATED about herself. Our new arrangement got rid of that. So our goals were very positive. Now when I make a mistake it hurts her, our marriage, and me. There is a need we feel that corrections must be made in order to move on. Sometimes it’s quick, like a tap upside the head followed by a “what were you thinking.†Sometimes it’s prolonged, like TWO WEEKS WITHOUT COFFEE!!! Ugh!!! You know, to give me just enough time to consider exactly what I did and what it cost us by making that mistake.

    Your story made me think about my punishments a little differently. There is an art to making these decisions for the dominant partner. An art my wife has discovered. Thank you Morgan.

    I created a few new related posts on my blog called : What Is An Effective Punishment? and How Useful Are You?

    In the first post there is a link to an excellent article geared towards dominant wives. The article gives detailed descriptions to help wives administer more effective punishments along with some examples.

    The second post contains a checklist that you can use to know how well you’re doing for your wife. If you find lists helpful I would just stick to that. Creating a list of everything you did wrong just seems to invite exactly the situation the two of you experienced. A lot of couples seem to go through similar experiences. Thanks for sharing it with us.
     
  5. giorgious

    giorgious New Member

    this cuckold is punished by his Mistress...

    by awarding her Lover with one (1) barback unprotected orgasm per one (1) cuckold violation/infraction. This increases the chances of her getting pregnant. I actually don't want this to happen, so it gets me to comply with her unreasonable demands!

    Please replay re: what you think she should do to change this system. Thanx in advance
     
    skidaweb likes this.
  6. luvluc99

    luvluc99 New Member

    humiliation

    on the rare occassion durring her sessions with bulls ill get an erection, its quicky brought to its prefered limp state with her use of a flyswatter on my organs.
    public face slapping is the norm, she really enjoys doing that when we go out.
    as we get older she enjoys harsher and more humiliating scenarios. i find it very fullfilling.
     
  7. slaveForRobert

    slaveForRobert New Member

    I love these punishments

    slapping me, licking her pussy after peeing, and peeing in my mouth
     
    Mickle likes this.
  8. Shirley111

    Shirley111 New Member

    My punishments are still being refined. The one constant is my nipples. My wife keeps them sore and hypersensitive by twisting and pulling at them on a regular basis. When she needs to punish me, they are ready for some tougher action. One other punishment I had today was to be made to stand with my legs apart while she planted kicks to my balls. After four kicks, I fell down in pain. She demanded I get up immediately and kicked me again. This was a very effective punishment and I will be very careful to avoid incurring this in future.
     
  9. vladdy

    vladdy Active Member

    She's used various levels of punishment depending on what I didn't (or didn't do).

    She wasn't into corporal punishment really, although on a rare occasion I was slapped or smacked on the ass, cock or balls.

    Mostly she would with hold sex until I did something... she would often make me wear her panties or have pink toe nails.

    The worst and absolutely most common thing she would do when she was upset actually would let me have sex with her, she would have me eat her pussy really well first and then without giving me attention of any type aside from my service to her she would let me fuck her missionary style. But immediately she would tell me to be quick about it and basically when I started to really get going she would tell me to pull out and go jack off in the bathroom.
     
  10. slavedaniele

    slavedaniele Active Member

    I get a combination of punishment. I get spanked OTK most of the time but sometimes I get grounded or something taken away. I get scolded, pegged and on a rare occasion I will get whipped and sometimes it's a combination of some or all of the above.
     
  11. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    Sorry to spoil the party, but she never punishes me. I let her fuck other men (and women), I don't fuck anyone else, and she's happy.
     
    DeannaHouston likes this.
  12. denvercouple71

    denvercouple71 Active Member

    Now a days my wife is on the public exihibition and public humiliation. Yesterday, we went out with her lover (we 3 together). She was dressed like a bitch, very short skirt, soft blouse with no bra and they played the role of a couple and I was a supposed friend of the couple. Fisrtly, at the restaurant, they sat together side by side and I sat in front of the "couple". Hands together, kisses, etc... I feel very embarassed but at the same that turns me on!! After the dinner, we went to a night club. They danced, kissed and exposed the entire night. Everybody watched her dressed like that and dancing like that... A couple of guys came to me to say that my "friends" were hot... They could not imagine that bitch was in fact my wife... Oh man, that's really hot!!! I was hard like a rock!! Then, we left the night club and I drove them to his place. I thought we would have an amazing night but when we got there, my wife asked me to wait in the car while she will get in and fuck her lover... That was the longest 45 min in my life. I was there, in the car, waiting for wife to be fucked by her lover. After 45 min they opened the door, she gave him a goodbye kiss and headed to the car. As she got into the car I desperately asked her to jerk me off. In 50 sec I exploded and cum all over the car!!
     
  13. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    Neither of us punishes the other.
     
  14. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    My wife has used a few of those techniques. I've been spanked a few times. Scolded and lectured too many times to count, including in front of family (even my own mother!). A few others not on the list:

    • had my mouth taped shut
    • been locked in the cellar
    • been locked in the cellar with my mouth taped shut
    • been made to lie naked on a bed on a December night with the windows open (it was only for a minute or two)
    • been ordered to give her a footrub and then kicked/shoved with her feet if I didn't do it right
    • been ordered to crawl on the floor and sniff all of her shoes
    and various verbal humiliations.
     
    AndySmith1088 likes this.
  15. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    I take that back. Sometimes she will not visit another guy for weeks and make ME satisfy all of her sexual needs. ^°
     
  16. legshowcuck

    legshowcuck Well-Known Member

    She doesn't let me cum or tell me the details if She needs to punish me...

    and believe me it is real torture for me...
     
    DeannaHouston likes this.

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