coaxing her to start again

Discussion in 'Methods, Techniques and Advice' started by slowpoking, Dec 18, 2013.

  1. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    Even more ego-bruising for me and thrilling for my wife is the extreme athletic vigour and recklessness of her lover's dozen or so penultimate galvanising whole-body thrusts before he buries his orgasmically ultra-hardened cock to its hilt in her. My already fucked-out wife gasps and then cries out ecstatically on feeling the head and entire shaft of his cock expanding even more grossly right back to his frantically indriven root during the fateful few seconds before its first six or so rapid-fire ejaculatory jerkings in her brutally stretched-up vagina. At 24 years of age her beautifully uninhibited lover is in his sexual prime and glorys unashamedly and almost cruelly openly in it every time he fucks my wife. He loves out loud--sometimes too hurtfully for me---the way my wife gets off on his burstingly aching cock monstrously expanding as it pre-orgasmically hardens in her like no other man's cock she swears ever has or does or is likely to ever in the future. Such is the physical perfection, passion and sexual power of her superbly cock-driven young lover.
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2016
  2. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking through a post about something similar to that, Michael -- how I recently realized that another one of the things my wife loves about her lover is the athleticism he brings, the overall just-plain-good-at-fucking. I've never seen them together, so I hadn't understood this until she said something about it not long ago. And it's exactly like you said: a real ego-bruiser, because it's all about him doing a better job. And it made me wonder why I don't do a better job.

    I'll pick her up from the airport tonight, and over the next couple days expect I'll hear about how much sex they had on their three-day road trip. And how good it was.
  3. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    Commiserations, SP. I know only too well that when one's wife really gets off on the athleticism of her lover, especially if he is young, and lets you know she does, it's very hard for the husband to make a come-back. You might try estimating your chances of equalling him by looking your wife in the eye at one of her less-guarded moments and ask her very directly if her lover is a great mover with her. If she quickly turns her eyes away from yours, he is. Pity you haven't seen him in action with her. Please remind us, what age is your wife's lover?
  4. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I think he's around 52, Michael. Works out a lot and is in good physical shape. Which could be said of me, too.
  5. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    We had a landmark development in our sex lives. I think I've written here before that my wife has only ever had clitoral orgasms. They are amazing -- seizing her body, which clenches and twists for around 20 seconds. She'll groan and wail but seems to stop breathing, and her whole body turns red. We've witnessed other women climaxing and seen quite a few on amateur porn videos and always had the impression that my wife's orgasms rank high on the strength spectrum.

    Over the years, though, she had an off-and-on preoccupation with vaginal or g-spot orgasms, vacillating on one hand between wishing she could have them and trying to learn how, and on the other concluding that they're rare or even a myth propagated by men. (There are lots of books on both of those schools of thought. Trust me.) At times it was a source of significant anxiety -- as if she needed more of that.

    The clitoral orgasms used to come easy for her -- she almost always popped off two or three a night -- but in the past few years they've become more elusive. She never has more than one now, and sometimes not even that. That's caused more anxiety, of course, and made her long even more for the vaginal variety. Well, over the past 6-12 months, several things conspired to make that happen. Or at least that's my uneducated take. First, her lover started to finger her a lot. She and I have tried that at different times over the years, but she always had a mental block about being touched that way, and we never got too far. He had much more success, I assume because he arouses her more and could get beyond the block. She says he will play her for long periods this way and just leave her helpless, so it seems to me he's taught her to feel and respond to that kind of stimulation.

    She also went to see a physical therapist who treated her with some vaginal electro-stimulation. I'm sure that's not the proper term, and don't ask me to explain why they prescribed this. She was having some back pain, and around same time her gynecologist said she should strengthen her vaginal muscles. I know the back issue was traced to hip and pelvic issues, but I don't know if the electrical treatment was for both problems. In any case, medical boob that I am, I think this also played a role because of the timeline.

    The third thing was that she read in one of her books about what a woman should do physically to have a vaginal orgasm: simultaneously push down with some internal muscles while pulling up with others.

    She says she had felt herself slowly approaching her goal during intercourse with both me and her lover. It finally happened about 2 weeks ago. She and I were having a quickie and I started moving my hips a little different than I usually do. Whether that had anything to do with it, she responded more than usual, and in about 30 seconds she came, just as strongly as she does with a clitoral climax. Her first ever just from penetration. I kept going and a few minutes later it happened again. We were both amazed and elated, but something -- I don't remember what -- cut us short. The next night she couldn't wait to try again. This time she had a dozen or more, some from penetration, some from me rubbing my cock across her clit, some from me fingering her.

    As thrilled as she was, she was still worried about her ability to replicate this. I know it meant a lot for her to experience this with me, but she really longed to have it with Oct. So we tried again the next night, and it was even easier -- I guess we were both figuring it out. Over 60 minutes she had 25. I had to count because she was incapable. Every one was as strong as ever. Honestly, she was making so much noise I asked her to keep it down for fear the neighbors would call the cops.

    So a couple days later she went to visit Oct for 5 days, and of course it happened just the same with him. Except he didn't approach my record of 25. Apparently he's so excited he can't get past five without cumming. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. She did indicate that is was a heavy, immensely moving experience for both of them to share, and she's expressed a lot of gratitude to me for making it possible. She's always climaxed easier with me and thinks she needed to learn to with me before she could with him. I think my role was minor, but I'm not trying to dissuade her.

    They're going to be able to see each other more frequently going forward, and I expect this will bind her to him even more. She'll still want to have sex with me, but it will largely be because she wants to continue exploring this newfound ability and to stay in practice. Most of her sexual desire will still be focused on him, maybe more than before.
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2016
  6. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    Yes, I think that's likely.

    I'd love to have that happen here.


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  7. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Tonight my wife went out for dinner with a girlfriend, came home and now is upstairs on a Skype date with Oct. She said they will definitely have sex... and that we might.
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  8. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    We started edging our way into an area that's new for us (sort of) but is another rite of passage for cuckolds -- being open about her dating someone else. My wife's bf lives in another state, so she decided to Skype him in Tuesday so we could watch election results together. And a girlfriend of hers came over, too. The girlfriend is single, but she's been in polyamorous relationships, so our arrangement is no big deal to her. As far as I know, she was the first person that my wife intentionally talked to about dating Oct, and I know they discuss their relationships when they get together.

    This was the first time, though, that she's open with someone else about it in my presence. Overall it was fairly mild. We were all focused on the election, and there was no blatant talk about sex -- just a normal social evening. But my wife and Oct did spend much of the night talking to each other, and she showed him a level of affection that you would expect for a mate. A few times they mentioned visits that they've planned, and I'm sure her girlfriend understood as well as me that they were talking about meeting for sex. My wife cracked a few gentle jokes about them having sex.

    If there was anything noteworthy about the evening, it was how easy and normal it seemed. I guess it was easier on me knowing ahead of time that no one was learning anything they didn't already know. I had no anxiety and was able to soak it in -- get a rise the few times my wife alluded to their relationship. It occurred to me that maybe it's through small steps like this that it becomes normal to have family and friends know about a relationship like ours.

    I don't feel like I'm close to being ready for complete openness, though in some ways we may not be far off. Twice she's been caught by two of our grown children having Skype and text sex with lovers, and both times I had to explain that she wasn't cheating. She frequently will step outside to take long phone calls with her bf while one of our kids is around, and she and I have grown less careful about discussing the relationship within hearing distance of them. I assume they have at least some inkling that there's something going on.

    She's the kind of person who feels it a chore to discreetly hide things, and I know in some ways she would like to be open about their relationship, though maybe not with family yet. I assume it will all come out in the open at some point, and by then I may be okay with it.
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  9. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    It's been 10 or 11 days since we had sex. I know some of the guys here go a lot longer than that, and it's really not been unusual for us if you look at the past several years. But we've been having some frequent and especially good sex recently, so this seems like kind of an abrupt break, and my want is acute.

    She leaves Thursday for a five-day visit with her boyfriend and was going to cut me off a week ahead of time anyway, but last time we had sex it caused a flare-up of some pain she was feeling over the summer, which is how we'll end up at two weeks by the time she leaves.

    I feel bad that she's uncomfortable, and that keeps me from feeling horned up all the time, but the mind also wanders. If she was with him and couldn't have sex, there's no way it would keep her from stroking and sucking him and showering in his cum, and she'd enjoy that as much as fucking. She would do it for hours a day -- every day. She blew and stroked me the other night. I could tell she felt obligated, but it still felt like heaven (I swear she keeps getting better at it). But she got sleepy after 15 minutes and I took over stroking and couldn't finish.

    I've also been thinking about how he takes her in the morning, after a 5-hour fuck the night before. We screw when we wake up occasionally, but there's no way it's happening during these two weeks. This morning I asked her if he does it every morning, and she admitted that he does. Rolls over on top of her and starts. She said recently -- completely out of the blue -- that there is nothing she would deny him in bed now, nothing that he could ask that she would not do for him. And the way she said it I could tell that she craves for him to make some kind of demand, to give her a chance to do something for him. If he would (I don't know if he does), she'd be head-over-heels eager, not just willing. I'm sure that when he rolls on top of her each morning, she's not just spreading her legs to let him in; it thrills her that he's ready to take her again, already, and that him fucking her has lost not a speck of its shine.

    At the end of this upcoming visit she'll leave directly on a business trip, so by the time she comes back I'll have gone just about a month without fucking her. Lots of time to think.
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  10. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    My wife left yesterday for another visit with Oct. This one will be 7 days -- the longest they've had together yet. She was only home 3 weeks since her last trip, which included 5 days with him. Between the holidays and some other things, we fucked just once while she was home, although I did coax a handjob out of her last weekend.

    She gives an awesome handjob, and I was stone hard and groaning, but as sometimes happens, I got a mental block and could tell I wasn't going to cum for her, so I decided to finish myself off. I was desperate to cum, partly because I realized she and I wouldn't fuck again before this trip. I started thinking about the mathematics of our situation. Counting the handjob and associated foreplay, she and I had maybe 4 hours of sex during the last 6 weeks of this year - and it will be 7 weeks by the time she comes home. I thought about how she and him will easily have 28 hours on this trip, probably more since they'll be off work half of those days.

    As I stroked I incredulously pointed out the disparity: that he'd have seven times as much sex with her as me during this period. (In fact, it will be more than 10 to 1 counting the previous trip, but I was hardly clear-headed at that moment.) I realize I write about time cards fairly frequently here and that it's shallow to boil all of this down to hours. But it's one fucking measure, and I think it paints quite a picture. I'm not upset by it. I may get a little frustrated, but mostly I think it's hot and deserves recognition. She would never bring it up to me, but when I point it out, I can tell she's well aware.

    When I pointed it out this time - as I tugged away - she looked at me calmly, like she was way ahead of me on this and wondered how I would cope with it. "This is what 2017 is going to be like, isn't it?" She nodded, and a short time later I did come.
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  11. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    Hi Slowpoking, I don't want to be to invasive so please ignore me if you desire.

    Are you happy with this? Did you choose it?

    For me, your gift to her sounds beautiful. I see all of the pleasure and happiness you are supporting her getting. I see that she is probably getting her needs met. Are you?

    I hope that you are. I try really hard to take care of my husband, balance has helped us last long term.

    I easily think I get 28 hours of orgasam to his 4 hours, and he is also my main fuck partner. His job is to stay hard and be available incase I want him again later that day. So I get way more pleasure than Jeff does and Jeff wants this, he loves giving me pleasure. He says things like, "my pleasure is your pleasure" or "I would rather enjoy watching you cum than to cum myself" So for us, he is getting what he wants.

    I hope your wants and needs are being met, and what you are giving her sounds terribly exciting to me. Deanna
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  12. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your insightful accounts posted above, SP. I would very much like to have the time to share more here of my experience in making love to clitorally and vaginally orgasmic women. In the meantime I relate that, as a teenager and medical student and throughout my years of sexological practice, amongst the many works that greatly helped my thinking on the causes and treatment of orgasmic inhibition and frank anorgasmia in women, were: "The Function of the Orgasm" by Wilhelm Reich, "On Sexuality--Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality and Other Works" and "Totem and Taboo" and "The Psychology of Love" all by Sigmund Freud, "Sex In Human Loving" and "Games People Play" and "What Do You Say After You Say Hello" all by Eric Berne, and "Bioenergetics" by Alexander Lowen. Recent advances in the anatomy and physiology, including from real-time ultrasound and MRI and other more directly physical including culposcopic video studies, of copulating couples and women masturbating, and the neurophysiology and neuroendocrinology of sexual arousal and orgasm in both men and women, have blown away much of the mythology of orgasmic responses, especially in women. As one might expect, the early life histories of women presenting with difficulties in achieving orgasm, both clitoral and vaginal, through penetrative intercourse often reveal sexual molestation of them as children. Anorexia nervosa and Bulaemia are common, sometimes sub-clinical, concomitants in their histories and symptomatology, as is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from physical and emotional sexual trauma. Anyone here interested in sourcing references on these subjects, just feel free to PM me.
  13. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Hi Deanna,

    Saw this the day you posted, but it was hard finding time to respond. Plus I was thinking. I always appreciate your comments and perspective, so your message wasn't at all invasive. And ignoring you is never something that I feel like doing.

    This lifestyle was very much something that I chose. Early in our marriage we did some swinging that evolved into MFM activity, and then we had a break of quite a few years. When she finally started sleeping with other guys again, I was the one encouraging it - partly because I missed her doing that but also because I thought it fit her so well.

    Because I encouraged her, I'd be real reluctant to ask her to stop if things hadn't gone well. In fact, though, it's been awesome -- uncannily close to the experience that I had in mind, except even better. Like so many guys here, I think it's hot when she has sex with someone else, and as so many people find, it's made her more alive, more confident, more relaxed and less stressed -- all-around happier. So in terms of the core aspects of what's going on, we've both thought it was great.

    But lately I've been bothered, and it's had little if anything to do with sex. She does have deep feelings for her lover, has since they started seeing each other 2 1/2 years ago, and they have a real relationship that goes well beyond sex. She's capable of obsessing and can get caught up communicating with him, planning and preparing for their next visit, etc. We still have a good relationship with closeness and interaction that I'd rate very good for couples married more than 20 years. But lately there have been times that she seemed to be giving more attention to him and their relationship than to me and ours. I don't feel good when that happens.

    I was slow to bring it up because I felt like I didn't want to tell her -- shouldn't have to tell her -- to behave as she would if she still cared about me and us. But a few weeks ago I couldn't take it any more and sat her down to talk. I told her how I felt and said I wanted her to start being more aware of this, and if she starts to get too caught up in him then she needs to pull back.

    She's responded like I hoped, and I think things have been better the past couple weeks. I also think I need to stay aware of the situation and give her feedback, but I feel good because this seems like a model that can work for us.

    I'd like to say that their relationship is not a threat to ours; I think that's something I've avoided thinking, at least out loud. But I'm admitting now that I think it has the potential to do that. We've had a few conversations the past two years in which she's convinced me that she prefers to be my mate, that she doesn't want to leave me and never will. But I imagine it's possible that if he got too carried away she might start to feel she'd be happier with him. I don't want to take any chance of that happening.

    What do you think? Is this a reasonable way forward, or am I playing with fire? Am I already in trouble? I'd prefer to manage the situation instead of blowing it up both because of how upset she'd be and because of the positive things it's done for her. You talked about how you strive to maintain balance and to care for Jeff. Were you ever in a position where you could have not done that?

    This is kind of a heavy entry (and long), maybe too heavy, but you asked me some heavy questions. I considered sending it as a private message, but maybe it will help someone else.
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  14. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    HI SlowP,

    Thank you for answering my questions. It is easy to see how much you care for your cuckoldress, and how insightful you are.

    One of our other articulate posters once said something akin to, all relationships end. That is a very true statement. Don't panic, I don't think she is leaving you.... but the end does come. Your charge is to enjoy what you have and live in the moment.

    You saying what you need or desire is fair and reasonable. I think you bringing her attention towards you will help get your needs met. You are proceeding reasonably. I think in some ways we are all playing with a little fire. The added elements of risk/reward are exciting. Most wives don't ever leave or find "better" and the risk that she has options is still a risk.

    There have been times when I was struggling to balance. My style has been to pull back from the "extra" and focus on my "primary" relationship. I am not saying that my way is the best is just the way that has worked for me. When I have been stressed I also feel less sexy. So that makes it easier. I also don't get to attached to dick, to me it is of low value and plentiful. What I have with Jeff is priceless.

    SlowP, please remember though that I am way older and way wiser now. I once broke a heart and pretty much burned my world down.

    Keep trying to get your needs met. You are a valuable part of your relationship. Deanna
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  15. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Hi Deanna,

    Thanks again for your reassurance, advice and perspective. Some sober thoughts, but they strike a chord with me right now. I think that being in the moment is something I should work on. I guess you're right that loss is inevitable. I hope it's not imminent, but I guess we never know, do we?

    Asking for what I need does make sense right now, but it's also sad to think that I have to - that my needs might not be recognized without me doing that. At some point I may just let go see what comes back to me. Or maybe there's a mix or balance that I haven't figured out yet.

    Anyway, thanks again.
    Much love
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  16. JeffHouston

    JeffHouston Well-Known Member

    With all respect, I disagree. Our needs are fluid and change all the time. If I come home from work at the usual time, I usually need dinner soon. However, if a vendor brought snacks to a late afternoon meeting, I may not need dinner right away. No one can read minds. Communicating our needs is healthy and allows us to stay in sync with those around us. It is fortunate if we have someone who wants to hear about our needs.
  17. fooddude88

    fooddude88 New Member

    Willing to share what happened?
  18. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    Sure, I was a lying and cheating slut and I got caught. All cheaters get caught eventually. I had a good run, didn't get caught the first 8 men (or so)
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  19. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Good point, Jeff. I do agree with you about communication. I guess I was thinking about something specific -- my need for her to want to be with me. Not to show it in any particular way, but for me to see and know that she does. If I asked her to do things to show that, I'm sure she would because she wants me to be happy. But then I can't help but think that she doesn't really want it.

    That's what's sad to me. I don't get that impression all of the time, but enough that it bothers me. I do communicate my needs in a way -- by telling her she shouldn't fall too much for him.
  20. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I don't know if many people read this thread, but I just heard two hot things that I had to post. My wife is at her lover's again, six days this time after a five-day visit over New Year's. She got there last night -- he lives a few states away -- and as usual they had sex for several hours. I spoke with her by phone a few minutes ago, and she said it was the best sex she's ever had. That's saying quite lot, but from what she described, I believe it.

    At one point he was licking her with two fingers in her pussy and another in her ass. She said it drove her through the roof and made her cum repeatedly. Later, she sucked and stroked him for 45 minutes then climbed on and fucked him, first cowgirl, then facing the other direction. She rarely does this, preferring to let the guy work her over, but she said she was just pumping herself up and down on him and that she came over and over -- first time she's ever cum that way. He was fucking her on her back when he finally came. She told me ahead of time that he saved up for two weeks. He always shoots big loads, which she craves. All she said today was she was glad to have a towel under her. And then he stayed hard and fucked her for another hour.

    So that's not even the hottest part, at least as far as I'm concerned. Sex between her and I has been really good lately. I mean truly, it just keeps getting better. But for a variety of reasons it's infrequent. I think we've only screwed three times since Thanksgiving, so both of us are very aware that he's fucking her more than 10 times as much as I am. I'd like to fuck her more, but knowing this is still a turn-on.

    Similar situation with ejaculation. For some reason I rarely cum when we screw. The good thing is I stay hard and can go for a couple hours, but she loves semen, and both of us wish I was giving her more. Two of those last three times I had to use my hand to finish. Bottom line, she's getting almost all of her cum from him. I've told her I would love for her to point this out to him. She said she didn't last night but thinks she will tonight.

    The second thing is that he has a social event for work tonight, and she's going to go with him. They've gone out in public for dinner and things like that, but generally have kept a low profile until now. This will be the first time they've been together in front an people that any of us know. A few of her friends know about him, and some of our relatives probably suspect that we have an alternative lifestyle, but this is a new level in terms of people knowing about it.

    She said it will be clear that she's there as his date, and she said she's looking forward to it but in a relaxed way. For some reason, it strikes me as very hot.
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