coaxing her to start again

Discussion in 'Methods, Techniques and Advice' started by slowpoking, Dec 18, 2013.

  1. saturn

    saturn Super Moderator Staff Member

    I agree with you on this. At least, that's what I would expect and hope to happen in your situation.
  2. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Here's a report about my wife's two-night hotel nesting with Oct. After writing it, I realized it's kind of depressing, and really not what people hope to find when they come to this site. But it's the truth, and all along this thread has been a log of our experience. Let me know, though, if you'd rather not be bothered with this kind of stuff.

    It sounds like this time was pretty much a replay of their first tryst last October -- a mixed bag that at least for the moment has her frustrated and down. The good part was the fucking. Once again she said he's the best fuck she's ever had -- from the way he fits in her to the fact that he continually hits her A-spot no matter what position they're in, to the fact that they have a strong emotional bond. He has remarkable stamina, she said, and puts her in a zone where she feels drugged and could go on forever. They fucked four hours steady the first night and until 3 a.m. the second.

    The bad part is that he's not very good at much else, has some hang-ups and is kind of childish. My wife is one of those women who never cums just from intercourse, so she had talked to him beforehand about needing some other kind of stimulation. Well he couldn't stomach going down on her, tried using his fingers, but isn't adept at that yet. No problem for her; she just got our her vibrator. But after a few moments he would push it away and try doing other things to her, making it clear he wanted to be the one that made her cum. I don't get it -- who doesn't love watching a woman bring herself off with a toy? The upshot was she never did cum, just like the first time, and I get the impression that he suggested it was her fault for not being able to relax, etc.

    She didn't have it out with him because he threw a little fit when something didn't go his way. So she feels bad about not confronting him, disappointed that she put so much into this get-together without much reciprocity, and disillusioned about their prospects. She fell hard for him and thought that he could be an other-worldly lover.

    I'm curious to see what happens. I suggested that she still should confront him -- that he might be motivated to make some changes if he thinks he needs to to keep having sex with her. She'd like to, but I don't know if she will. The other thing is that her take on the whole thing may change after a few days. She came home frustrated last time, too, but after some time started focusing on the good parts and became obsessed with him.
  3. saturn

    saturn Super Moderator Staff Member

    The truth is what we seek here both the ups and the downs and even the middle ground. You are certainly in one of the correct forums to describe the truth. If people only want fiction then there are specific forums here for that.

    BTW, the guy sounds like a poorly sexually educated man I mean, who DOESN"T like going down on a girl (she is clean, right?)?! and like you said, who wouldn't want to see a chick get herself off whether your dick is in her or not?!

    I do have to push back on her a bit though. A woman can and should learn how to come with little to no help from the man. I know that may be controversial, but it's certainly possible for most women - medical or physical issues excluded. I have personally taught more than a few women how to come with purely penetrative sex. I have been able to teach them without even being in the room when they have sex, never seeing them naked or touching them myself. That is, a fully clothed discussion and then they go back to their BF/husband and it works.

    And another thing she absolutely owns is the responsibility to demand her satisfaction one way or the other. Whether that's telling him what he has to do to continue having rights to her body, or some other arrangement. It's up to her. It's always up to her.
  4. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Hi Saturn. I appreciate several points from your message, but I'm most interested -- and I'm sure my wife would be, too -- in the part about cumming from penetrative sex. She cums reliably from oral, from use of fingers on her pussy and from toys but has never cum just from penetration. Moreover, we've read multiple sources indicating that this is not at all unusual, that most women find it difficult to cum just from penetration.

    So we'd both love to hear any techniques, tips or suggestions you can offer about this. We'd love to be proved wrong.

    As to your other comments, yes, I agree that it's surprising some of the things he hasn't been exposed to. I also agree that she's responsible to making sure that whatever is necessary for her orgasm happens. She does, too, and although it was an awkward situation, part of the reason she's down is that she didn't do more to stand up for herself.
  5. saturn

    saturn Super Moderator Staff Member

    As I said, it is a discussion. That means I have to converse with the person to find out what's going on. Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to do that with anybody else right now.

    In general, though, I would tell her this based on what I've read of her and the situation: Stop focusing on ANYthing else other than the fact that she has a big cock fucking her pussy right now (that is, in the moment), and what it's doing to her (turning her out, hitting certain spots, etc). She could also focus on the fact that it's not her husband's cock that's fucking her, too, but only if that doesn't cause her mind to wander. Do NOT think about why he won't eat her or finger her properly, etc. None of that really matters. Just that big dick entering her over and over. Do not let the mind wander. And absolutely do not start worrying about whether or not she's going to be able to come.
  6. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    More 180-degree turns in this saga. If someone else had wrote this, I'd probably doubt it was true, but scout's honor it is. Maybe the back and forth isn't unfamiliar to others who have been cucked.

    Here are the specifics. Of course, my wife's disappointment and disillusionment about last week's rendezvous with Oct didn't last long. The day after she returned they had a long phone conversation, and he told her he's dedicated to satisfying her and giving her orgasms no matter what it takes. Most importantly, he plans to bring a single-minded focus to improving his oral skills. She also told me a few things she hadn't mentioned about their time together. Apparently he did use one of her toys on her and was moving in the right direction when she broke it off to try something else. He also spent time exploring the inside of her pussy with her fingers, and that felt quite good, so he has shown some promise of being able to adapt.

    She's once again in a swoon. Amazing how one or two small things can completely change her feelings about the situation. Or maybe it's not.

    More amazing, she is at this moment back in a hotel with him. He lives states away, which is why last week was only their second get-together since deciding in May to start their affair. Last week their schedules looked like they wouldn't cross again until mid-year, but then he had an unexpected change with some business travel -- really, it had nothing to do with her. He called Monday to say he would be nearby from Tuesday until Thursday. Boom, she's off again for another two-night stay with him.

    She actually said with a straight face that they would both have to work during the days -- to which I scoffed. We texted briefly this afternoon. Sounds like he spent more than an hour licking her and did get her off. No more details yet, but I'm sure that's a big moment for them, and I imagine that their already steamy relationship is about to get even hotter.

    I'm not so starry-eyed to call this destiny. I still think there's something basically wrong about the fact that he has a partner who doesn't know about this, and I expect it will blow up eventually. But things could not have worked out better for my wife this week. She'll be floating on a cloud over this... at least until the next pebble in the road.
  7. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for the very good updates, and I mean all of them!

    It's really unfortunate that the guy who hits all the right spots for her sexually is so very immature. I seriously think we're looking at a case of arrested development. He's shown some serious hangups about going down on her, and about her using a vibrator.

    I'm hopeful, though, based on your latest, that perhaps she will be able to coax him to pull his head out of his behind, and realize that she's the best thing that's ever happened to him. And that he ought to be willing to do anything to please her, including helping her get off, rather than hindering the process.

    Still, it's good that she has seen some negative aspects of his personality. Otherwise, she would be completely and blitheringly beside herself with her feelings toward him.

    And I would still do anything to be in your shoes. :)


  8. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Here's an update about my wife's unexpected get-together with Oct -- I guess about two weeks ago now. Again, they had spent a couple days together the previous week, and were not counting on seeing each other again until summer, but a blip in his business travel brought him near, and they holed up in a hotel for another couple days.

    First things first: he licked her until she came. This was huge because she didn't orgasm the first couple times they met. This time he followed through on his vow to do whatever it took, apparently spending an hour giving her oral. I couldn't tell how great he was, but I'm sure it meant a lot to her. I give him credit for learning new tricks.

    The hottest part as far as I'm concerned was him cumming on her. Over the past few years, the volume of my ejaculations has diminished quite a bit, to the point that they're very small now. Ironically, this has coincided with her developing a kink for cumshots -- the bigger the better. I mean, how perfect is that! She doesn't really get into teasing me, even though she knows I enjoy light humiliation, but she does tell me that my ejaculations are kind of lame and not near as big as she would like.

    She'd told me previously that she thought his were quite a bit bigger, but until now he always came inside her, even though she pleaded with him once to douse her. This time she convinced him at the culmination of a long bj and handjob. According to her, she begged him, telling him she loves getting a big load on her but that I can't give it to her. I don't know if she really said that or made it up for my benefit, but I'll take it. As it turned out, she said it was a lot more than mine, though she's guessing it was smaller than normal for him, due to the number of times he'd come in the past week. He left long, thick, pearly white lines on her stomach. She said they were beautiful and that she just looked at them for a few minutes before asking him to rub it into her. He did and apparently they both got off on it.

    They had two days together. Overall she said it was less frantic than their first two times, more relaxed, like they are getting to know each other and to feel comfortable. She called this nicer and said she hopes they carry on for years. Now they're once again anticipating not seeing each other until summer. I've already bet her they'll find a way to get together before then.
  9. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    I certainly agree with that.

    Glad to hear that he got over his reluctance to perform cunnilingus.


  10. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    My wife's away with Oct again this weekend. It's the first time since January, and she was dying to see him. She always is, really, but apparently he's been working on his oral skills, and hearing him talk about what he wants to do to her has had her climbing the walls.

    The last thing she said before leaving yesterday was not to call or text her, but I had to today because I needed some information from her. I happened to catch when she wasn't around, and she volunteered that they had an amazing night. Then they were fucking this morning and she came on cock. This is a major event for her because she's never come just from being fucked, always requiring clitoral stimulation. She's really wanted to, and the fact that she hadn't had caused her quite a bit of anxiety.

    I figured he'd do it sooner or later, given the way he fucks her. She'll be thrilled that it happened with him. If he's able to repeat it, it will weld her to him even tighter.
  11. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    She sent a text at 2:13 a.m.

    "Don't text back. See ya tomorrow."

    Wonder what that's about. More orgasms from fucking? Him cumming in her mouth? Him fucking her ass while putting his hand in her cunt. She had quite a to-do list for this trip.
  12. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    Interesting. I'd be asleep at 2:13 am, and wouldn't appreciate being awoken. When Audrey is with a lover, she gives me an ''all's well'' call in the evening then I assume she is having orgasms, getting cum in her mouth, and being fucked in the ass - something I don't do - and I don't spend time wondering about it.
  13. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I had just fallen asleep, but I didn't mind at all being woke. Maybe you and I are different, Worth, or maybe it's just because me and her are newer to this. For now, I still find it pretty exciting.
  14. Mickle

    Mickle New Member Founding Member

    Its that Fing Apple bird chirping or the vibrate, both take me from my dreams, give me the old type of phone that only rang during the day and texts were in comics :D :D
  15. Worth It

    Worth It Well-Known Member

    There's nothing I can do about it at the time. My excitement comes when Audrey gets home - what I am told, what I see, what I smell, what I can do.
  16. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    It's taken me a while to get around to this, but I have a few things to report about my wife's last encounter with her boyfriend Oct a couple weeks ago. They holed up like they usually do -- in a hotel for parts of 3 days. Based on what she told me, they fucked for about 16 of the 40 hours they were together. She and I have never come close to that, but I know what it looks like now, because I've never seen a pussy worn out like hers was when she came home.

    I pulled her pants off when she came home to get an inspection, but I was surprised how different it looked. Her inner lips -- the butterfly wings -- were very distended. Normally, no more than the edges of these are visible unless she's pretty aroused. When she is aroused, they do come out, but then they're pink and a little moist and look kind of swollen. In this case there was nothing swollen about it, they just hung kind of limp and deflated, stretched out.

    The rest of her pussy looked much the same -- loose and saggy, not that look of skin-pulled-tight swollenness that I see when she's aroused. It really did look like something tired and worn out. She said she was a little too sensitive for sex, at least until she watched me rub one out that night. That made her horny, so she grabbed one of her vibrators and suggested a double. The other amazing thing was that it took at least four days for her pussy to return to normal.

    She said it was their most enjoyable encounter yet, mostly because they're getting more comfortable with each other and can relax. They fucked six hours straight at one point. He fucked her in every hole and came in her mouth at least twice -- all of which she utterly loves. He also showed significant improvement in his oral skills.

    I mentioned in one of my last posts that she came on his cock, and that this would have been a huge deal because she's never cum just from screwing. After she returned home I found out it wasn't the spectacular event she might have hoped. They worked a long time to try to get her right to the edge of cumming, then he started fucking her with a stroke that dragged across her clit on the withdraw. She's capable of incredible intense and prolonged clitoral orgasms but said this one was less intense. But it meant a lot to him, and she really liked it for that.

    Our sex life has picked up since she came home, and we've actually had quite a bit of fun. Still, I did some rough mental arithmetic the other day, and I'm pretty sure he's had more sex with her than I have since the start of the year. And that's not counting the sexting, phone and skype sex that they have.
  17. Mickle

    Mickle New Member Founding Member

    You have got to get used to the change in size, great post, I am waiting for the next instalment on the edge of my seat, congratulations
  18. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    My wife just left for a six-day visit with her boyfriend. Three months since they last saw each other. This will be the first time they've been together for more than 2 1/2 days, and they'll share a hotel room. She's looking forward to the domesticity of it. As usual, they're meeting at a work event, so they'll be occupied during the day -- at least they're supposed to be. She's supposed to produce stuff while she's there, so it's an issue if she's not working, but I'm betting they play hooky once or twice.
  19. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    It's Day Three. As usual, not a lot of communication from her. She's said that she loves being able to do this and just forget about her obligations at home. So I've just had a couple texts telling me it's more than beautiful and wondrous.

    Then a few moments ago I said I'd run an errand for her. She thanked me for all I do for her then added that Oct -- my name on this site for her boyfriend -- thanked me to. And he sends his regards.

    I'm sure it's nothing. He may not have really said it and even if he did it's probably just a throwaway comment. But there's never been any communication between us -- except for a dinner we shared years ago; her relationship with him started just last October -- and this caught me off guard. After a few minutes I realized I had some angst grinding in my gut, which I've not had for a while.

    I'm surprised and will have to think about this.
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2015
  20. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Lots of catching up to do -- including several things from her weeklong getaway, which is now more than a month old. But my memory is very clear.

    So I met him. This is the second time we've ever seen each other, the first being about a decade ago when she and I had dinner with him. At the time she admitted being attracted to him and was probably a little flirty, but didn't imagine anything like the relationship they have now.

    So back to this July, -- I drove an hour and a half to the city where they were staying to drop off something she needed for work. I didn't have time to stay, but she was on a break from working and said she'd meet me for the handoff. When I got there she was sitting outside waiting, and he was there with her. I was a little surprised, but not completely, because she's always surprising. And I'm thinking, "Well this is interesting."

    This hotel is in the middle of the city without a parking area, just a drop-off circle, so I didn't even get out of the car. They walked over, and she is just beaming, looked great with the biggest smile. He and I said hi and I said something about it being a long time since we saw each other. Then he said he wanted to thank me for letting them be together. He seemed kind of shy about saying it -- from what she's told me, he seems like a nice guy and not the stereotypical aggressive bull -- but you could tell it was important to him to say it. He was a little emotional and had trouble finding his words.

    It caught me off guard, but I said I appreciated everything he did for her, that it was obvious she was very happy and I thought everything was going great. And we should have a beer sometime.

    That was it. I was on a schedule so we said goodbye and I left. Except since then she's asked me to send him a letter explaining how I feel about the situation. I guess the idea of a guy being okay with his wife seeing someone else has been new to him, and he expresses concern occasionally about me being okay with all of it. So I'll be doing that in the next week or so.

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