coaxing her to start again

Discussion in 'Methods, Techniques and Advice' started by slowpoking, Dec 18, 2013.

  1. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I count myself lucky to have seen my sexy wife with other guys, but it hasn't happened for about 8 years. For the past year I've been trying to make it happen again. There's been some progress, but it's been slow, and now I feel there's nothing more for me to do but wait and hope for an opportunity to come along. But I thought I'd share my plight and see if anyone has suggestions I haven't thought of.

    I'm 48 and she's 52, and we've been married about 15 years. A few years into our marriage we started swinging, and that evolved into me sharing her with other men. She had several, including a boyfriend for a couple years. That ended poorly and lead to a break that -- for a number of reasons, including health issues -- is still ongoing.

    For a while I would periodically ask about resuming, but eventually I gave up and accepted that that was part of our past. Then her health issue resolved, and she seemed to feel sexy again. She would drop occasional comments about guys she would like to fuck, and she even started up a flirtation with a contractor that she considered hopping in the sack with. (She didn't because it ended up not being a good situation.)

    I was pleasantly surprised and started to hope that we might get back into action. We would talk about it, and the idea always made her hot when we were in bed. Out of bed she'd find a variety of excuses not to do it -- she was no longer attractive, she didn't know of any good candidates, it just seemed like a bad idea.

    About a year ago it occurred to me that the prospect of setting something up was too stressful for her and that I could solve the problem by finding a guy and introducing them. So I got busy on a swinger site and set out to do that. I vaguely told her what I was doing and she did not object. I arranged for us to meet a prospect, and when I told her about it she seemed nervous but also excited and agreed to go. That meeting fell through because of a logistical snafu, and the guy lost interest, but I found another guy who we did meet for a drink.

    I'll have to finish soon.
  2. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    I'm looking forward to seeing how all this works out for you, and of course, sorry that it took so long.

    My situation is somewhat similar. My GF was enjoying dating guys, but then one of the situations ended very badly, and now it has been several years since that happened.

    I wish that I could say that I could take the approach that you did, but it won't work for me here. My GF has always insisted on selecting the guys herself. (Plus I never was able to watch, but that's a separate issue.)


    Explore with me and ffred like this.
  3. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Let me wrap this up.

    We met this guy for dinner, and in several ways I thought he was a good fit. He’s good looking, seemed nice and came highly recommended as a skilled lover. He’s also black – something she’s expressed interest in – and apparently very well hung. I have an average-sized cock, and she enjoys the feeling of thicker ones, though she’s limited in what she can accommodate length-wise. Looking back, there was probably one way that he wasn’t a good match. He might have been too nice. She likes assertive guys who have some attitude, and that didn’t come across from him, at least on this night.

    I thought the meeting went well and came away optimistic. We’d agreed that there would be no sex that night, but they got along well. We talked for about 90 minutes, sometimes just chit chat, sometimes about lifestyle experiences. They talked about getting together again, with her suggesting we might try a movie and see what developed from there.

    Afterward, I left the next step up to her, figuring I had done enough and not wanting to push her. Nothing happened, though, so after a few weeks I asked if she wanted to see him again. She got emotional and said she didn’t. Her reason was that she could only sleep with someone for whom she felt an attachment, and she worried that this would harm our marriage. She was stressing out, so I just reassured her that I would never pressure her into doing something like this, and that we would just drop it if she didn’t want to.

    I meant it. I would really enjoy her being with another guy again but I’m not obsessed. She’s my mate, and I’d be jerk to try to push her into something like that if she was against it. If I was the only one interested in this I could swear it off, and we have enough good things going that I’d be perfectly satisfied.

    … except that I get mixed signals. While I was waiting on her verdict of Mr. Nice-and-hung, she struck up a flirtation with an old friend. He’s a firefighter – she has a weakness for them – and she thinks he’s hot in terms of both looks and personality. They met for breakfast and then carried on with some steamy texts that included explicit messages from him about exactly how he wanted to fuck her. When she told me later, she admitted considering that he might be the one and that she thought about letting him have her. She said it was tempting and that she’s sure she would have enjoyed it. She decided not to because he’s married and she did not think she could trust him to be discrete.

    When she initiates something like this completely on her own – and she’s done it more than once – I can’t help but conclude that she does have some interest. And if I try to step back and look at the evidence objectively, it seems like she could have a lot of fun screwing someone else again. She’s always enjoyed being around men and readily admits how much she likes cocks. She enjoys sex but while the sex between us has always been good, it’s less exciting after a couple decades, and I’m sure she’d enjoy someone new. It would be great for her self-esteem, because although she’s still beautiful she complains about looking old. I just think this kind of thing is perfect for us. We’re both unconventional, she likes attention and I love watching her.

    So when I think about it, it seems a shame for the two of us not engage in something that could give us both a lot of pleasure. And yet I’m at a loss about what to try next. I could keep looking for a guy for her and could probably find one whose personality was more of a turn-on for her, but at this point that would feel like pushing her. I think it still might happen if she came across the right guy in the right situation, but I’m not sure what to do other than sit back and wait, and who knows how long that might take?

    So what do you think, fellow forum members? Am I full of shit, stubbornly holding onto a selfish fantasy? Is there a good course of action that I haven’t thought of? Or should I just kick back and watch what happens?

    I’d be grateful for any feedback from cuckolds, bulls or wives. Thanks for listening.
    essex_couple likes this.
  4. Tantricbull69

    Tantricbull69 Member

    If i may say that, successful relationships start with 100% honest communications between the couple and 100% honesty with yourselves!

    You say you would be perfectly satisfied as is even if you did not go back to being a cuck. It is utter bullshit! Why do you try to convince yourself about this when you say it would be a shame to miss out on it when you both would enjoy it!?

    Yes, she would be interested to fuck other bulls again, but something is holding her back.

    Many men will try to arrange bulls for their wives, but most do not succeed. Again, 100% honesty is needed. If your wife is not clear who and what she wants all you do is waste the bulls time!

    Your wife is a prime example. She is flirting with a fire fighter but dies not go through with it, nor she follow through with your selection.

    Find out from her what is holding her back. Then you both will have a chance to enjoy cuckolding again?
  5. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    Here's my take on it. She has too much in the way of mixed feelings for something to happen any time soon. I know that it would be a disappointment if that turns out to be the case, believe me, I know that all too well, from personal experience.

    I predict that her ambivalence, combined with her physical desires, will cause her to continue to try to get something going. And each time, she will get your hopes up -- way way up. And then nothing will happen. And it will hurt. You'll be hoping and then nothing. And then again. And maybe again after that.

    It's possible that she'll meet someone who doesn't push a negative button for her. Maybe a black guy who displays just enough attitude. Or a firefighter who's not married. Maybe. It can happen.

    But the only thing I can suggest for you is to keep your own desires and emotions in check. All the way up until she actually does it, if she ever does. Let me elaborate on that a little bit.

    She may even date. My girlfriend dated dozens of guys, but only slept with one. He isn't someone I would have picked out, but it was her choice, of course. And she only slept with him a couple of times when I was out of town on trips. That was consistent with HER level of mixed feelings.

    So when she goes out, it will be tempting for you to get excited and think that this time, THIS time, it'll be the time that makes all the difference. It could happen. But save your enthusiasm, or you'll go through that roller coaster just like I did. Wait until she actually comes home and says that she did it, that the two of them had sex. And then ask her if she liked it, and if she wants to see him again. Still keeping your emotions *carefully* under control.

    If you're lucky, it could happen again. In my case, something went really wrong when she got to know a second guy. That was after deciding not to see the first guy (after two times). Sad to say, it has been years now. :(

    Just hang in there, support her efforts as best you can, and know that if nothing happens again, you're prepared to live up to what you said. That you will never pressure her to do it, and that you'll support her efforts, regardless.

    Keep us posted, and I wish you all the very best of luck in this.


    Explore with me likes this.
  6. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Tantricbull69 wrote:
    If i may say that, successful relationships start with 100% honest communications between the couple and 100% honesty with yourselves!
    Find out from her what is holding her back. Then you both will have a chance to enjoy cuckolding again?

    I think open communication doesn't have to mean dissecting or badgering. As I said, we discussed it, and she basically said she can't separate sex and love, or something close to it, and that she's reluctant to get involved with someone.

    Do I see her behavior as contradictory? Sure, but who isn't like that sometimes? Do I think a rational analysis could fairly quickly get someone between her legs? Yes, but it's apparent to me that she's just not comfortable with that.

    Really, this is about her, and for her to enjoy it I think it has to be sensual, and that may mean just falling into something.

    I'd be interested to hear if other wives feel similarly and if they feel there's such a thing as too much discussion.
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2013
  7. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Most of the time I agree with you, Christine. That's why I'm stepping back from trying to arrange things. And if I had to make a prediction, I would guess that she'll eventually get there on her own. It's just feels less certain to sit back and wait for that to happen.

    But don't worry, I'm okay. Actually, deciding that it's out of my hands feels a little empowering, and in a way I'm looking forward to just observing and seeing what she does.
  8. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    Thanks for a great reply, slowpoking. I appreciate your most recent, very thoughtful message.

    I have known many women to say that they can't separate love and sex. I'm sure that for them, it's a true statement. Not all, but quite a few.

    I can't directly address one of your items, since I'm not a wife and not legally female. However, I'll give you my opinion on it anyway. (LOL) My opinion is that yes, there is such a thing as too much discussion. If you brought up the subject three times per day, every day for a year, I think you would probably agree that it's too much discussion. So somewhere between _not at all_ and 1000 times per year, there may be an amount that's satisfactory. Good luck with figuring out how much is too much for her. ;)


    surfrider likes this.
  9. Tantricbull69

    Tantricbull69 Member

    Sure there is such a thing as too much discussion. My point was that only 100% honesty will get things moving in the right direction. If you wish to sit back and let fate decide what happens in the future that is perfectly ok. However, if you want to get cuckolded, then there is a way to get there. The fact that you are talking about it, that she is giving mixed signals, are perfectly clear indication that she would be willing in the right circumstances and also that the approaches you took so far are not the right ones.

    I have a 100% success record of getting results with hesitant couples like you. I found that there are always some small things that people want but find hard to express/talk about/even admit to themselves let alone to partner or an outsider. So, finding that is the key to success! Good luck.
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2013
  10. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Well I did invite suggestions, so if you have some ideas, I'd love to here them.
  11. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Well glory be. The thing that I've waited for for 8 or 9 years finally happened. So I'm here to tell someone and to bring some hope to guys in the same position I've been in.

    Almost no progress since December, which is why I haven't posted. I trolled the swinger site for prospects occasionally, just to keep the idea alive, but never solved her issues with pre-arranging a meet. Seemed like the right situation would have to fall into place.

    Well she's on a business trip overseas, and it did. All I know is that she met someone, they clicked and it happened. And that she thought it was wonderful. She told me as she was leaving for the airport. Can't stand having to wait for details, but I'm on cloud 9.

    More later.
    essex_couple likes this.
  12. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for a great update!!


  13. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Here's how I got the news. She goes on business trips and has long had a green light from me, but nothing ever happens and I gave up expectations long ago.

    We stay in touch with texts, e-mail and Skype when she's gone. One night last week she sent me a short e-mail saying she had an "amazing evening" with someone she met, sharing dinner, walking around and talking about everything. She said no sex, but the message came about 2 a.m., and she's rarely up past midnight. Interesting, I thought, but I told myself not to get my hopes up.

    Next day she had a day off before returning home. Normally I'd hear from her during her morning, but I didn't, so I called her in the afternoon her time. She answered with a hi, but didn't launch into a chat like she normally does. I pull a few teeth; is she walking neighborhoods like she planned? Sort of. She's out seeing the town, had lunch and was just getting up from a rest/doze in a park. She's with the person she had dinner with last night.

    That threw me a little off-balance. She said she was having a great day, and it sounded like she was -- happy, relaxed, care-free -- and I got the feeling it had something to do with the person she was with. I still had no idea if it was a man or woman. I wanted to ask if it was a guy, if she was attracted to him, if he'd come over early that morning so they could screw. We have conversations like that sometimes; I try to embarrass her, and it's funny. But I felt like I shouldn't right then -- I didn't want to actually put her in an awkward position in front of a new friend, or make him/her think I was jealous or suspicious.

    So instead I just said I didn't want to keep her from her friend and would talk to her later. Zero resistance from her. She said she loved me and would talk to me later.

    Now it was really starting to eat at me. I really began to wonder if she was going to sleep with someone, and the idea sobered me, though mostly it was exciting. I didn't get much done that afternoon. Sent a few texts trying to reach her in her evening, but no response. Took the dog for a walk after work and found myself obsessing. Finally decided I needed to stop wondering and hoping and just watch to see what happened.

    Got back home to find this text: Having the day that only you could allow to happen Will tell all when next we come together. Thank you for allowing me to be my true self. Back at the hotel now. Chat later.

    Well I might not bet my life on it, but that sounds to me like she got fucked. And more that -- like she enjoyed it! Her message was an hour old by that time. I sent a couple texts but no response, so I figured I'd have to wait until the next day. Two hours later, a text from her, confirming she'd seen mine but she couldn't talk. I knew it was time for her to head to the airport. I could barely stand it but refrained from calling her.

    Half hour later a text from her. "Tell me it's allright." I could imagine her having second thoughts and knew she'd fret the whole trip and be crying by the time the plane touched down. So I called her. I can't remember if I told her everything was okay first or asked if they had had sex with him. She said she had and that it was wonderful and I told her I couldn't be happier, especially that if it was wonderful. She asked how I could say that.

    We talked for about five minutes, and rather than the hot, sexy conversation I might have expected, it was just loving. Then she was off for the airport. I still didn't know any details and would have to wait almost a day to get them. The whole time I was wondering how it went down, but mostly I was tickled and amazed that it finally had, and I was ecstatic that it had gone so well for her.

    So that's how I found out my wife finally fucked another guy. Sorry if it's light on details that you would have liked, but I wanted to share what it was like from my perspective. I'll tell what actually happened later.
    essex_couple and JeffHouston like this.
  14. Tantricbull69

    Tantricbull69 Member

    JeffHouston likes this.
  15. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad to hear that things are going the way you wanted!

    Am I right to say that she had to deal with a lot of second thoughts about it afterward? I'm just basing that guess on her responses of "Tell me it's allright," and asking how you could say that you couldn't be happier.

    Thanks for the update! :)


  16. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I'll give broad strokes of what happened. The key to the whole thing was that they had great conversations. She just happened to sit down next to this stranger when she went for a late dinner, and they started chatting. She has a lot of interests, some of which he shares, and they were also able to relate on a professional level. Also, apparently his brain, like hers, works fast and likes to jump from subject to subject. She doesn't get that from me, so I guess he was an intellectual joy for her, and vice versa -- so much that they walked around until 1 or 2 a.m. the first night and then decided to spend the next day together sightseeing.

    It was a long, fun, relaxed day, she told me later. I won't bore you with all of the details, but apparently sexual tension started to develop later in the day. It's still not clear to me when or how they decided to sleep together; seems like she's reluctant to share that, even though she's pretty open about the rest. But by the time they got back to the hotel, I guess it was understood.

    They took an elevator, and he suddenly grabbed her by her nipples and practically tried to lift her by them. She said it was a huge turn on, which is pretty interesting because for years I’ve had to treat he nipples gingerly. She’ll ask me to tweak them in the advanced stages of screwing or playing with one of her toys, but in early foreplay she’ll complain that they’re too sensitive and can hardly stand to have them touched. He was pinching and rolling them pretty hard right off the bat, and she loved it; since coming home she can’t stop talking about it. I’m sure she was already aroused at the prospect of having sex with him, and maybe that partly explains the difference in reaction. But the cuckold in me imagines that subconsciously she just took more enjoyment in someone else’s touch.

    Anyway, they get to her room and come together, her in a robe, him still dressed. Her description of the event is branded in my brain. By then, some uncertainty had crept into her mind, but he took the lead – which she likes – albeit gently. He pushed the robe open and she rubbed her breasts slowly back and forth against him. They kissed for a bit then he pushed the robe all the way off. In bed, she laid back and he kneeled over her, dragged his fingernails down her sides, then set in again on her breasts, gripping them firmly while rolling the nipples hard. She felt like he was doing what he wanted, like he was mainly focused on his pleasure, and she always finds this arousing.

    He laid on top of her and slid his cock back and forth through her folds, making both of them groan. And then he pushed inside her, bare, all the way in and ground against her. She said his cock was slightly shorter and slimmer than mine – I’m a tad bigger than average – and that it was the perfect fit because they could fuck each other hard without her worrying that it would press too deep. At some point she was on top for a while, and she said it was a great ride.

    They changed through several positions, and she liked that, too. Doggy was the only one that didn’t feel good, so they moved right along. At some point he knelt next to her and started rubbing his thumb in slow circles across her clit and through the folds of her pussy. She often makes a fair amount of noise during sex, but she said she got very worked up over this and was moaning loud enough to be heard several rooms away. More than any of it, except maybe the cumshot, I wish I’d been there for that. Eventually he inserted three or four fingers while continuing with the thumb, and she was thrusting against them.

    She said they screwed for two amazing hours until he tired and fell back on the bed. He hadn’t cum, and she wanted him to, so she started blowing him. She gives great head, and pretty soon she could tell he was going to blow. She kept sucking, and he shot an enormous load. The volume of my ejaculations is usually small, and she’s said that she prefers more. This, however, was so much that it stunned her. He kept shooting these huge spurts in her mouth, and there was so much she didn’t know what to do, so it just ran out of her mouth and made a big puddle on the bed.

    She wanted to keep going, but he said he was worn out. They dozed a bit, but then she had to get ready for an early flight. She tried switching to a later flight, which I thought was hot, but couldn’t. It was while she was packing that I called her. She said he had left by then, but I’m not sure that he had. She never did cum, which surprised me, but still said it was the best sex she’s had in at least a couple years. (Our frequency has fallen off, but we still have pretty good hour-long sessions with a couple orgasms for her, sometimes aided by toys.)

    More importantly, she said the whole experience, including the day and previous night that they spent together, were wonderful – that it was like lifting a veil and that it reawakened a side of her that rejoices to interact freely and intimately with other souls. Sounds over the top, I know, but I do think there’s something to that, at least for her, maybe for many women. I could go on about it, but it gets into some of my thoughts on cuckold theory, and I don’t want to be preachy. Suffice to say that she seems like a new woman since she got back – not just horny, although that’s part of it, but happier, more relaxed and having a broader awareness. Having an affair seems to agree with her. And who am I to disagree with that.
    essex_couple and JeffHouston like this.
  17. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    Hi Christine. It seemed to me more that she was just looking for affirmation. The gears in her head tend to turn with worry, and if she lets them she can find all kinds of things to fret over, so this was actually pretty mild for her. To tell the truth, I was pleasantly surprised with how few second thoughts she's seemed to have. I interpret it as more confidence in herself and the possibility that things will be okay -- which obviously is its own nice thing.
  18. Tantricbull69

    Tantricbull69 Member

    I was referring to the fact that those who do want to be cuckolded, but not getting there are doing something the wrong way. It can be as simple as doing everything right but choosing the wrong timing!

    I know a few wannabe cuckolds who insist to me when i make suggestions, that they have already tried that and it did not work and it will not work! Just because it did not work for them it does not mean that my suggestion does not work if i do it or someone else do it!

    I know i can get results because i do get results! I am confident in my own abilities and the way i have achieved them. People with negative attitude will never succeed! In such cases either the wannabe cuckolds let me work without them being present and follow my instructions to the smallest detail when i am not there or i am not interested to start with them in the first place. I just wish them good luck. If people can not realise that not being successful at being cuckolded by their wives or girlfriends have something to do with themselves and the way they gone about it to date, then no one can help them. The first thing to admit is that the things i have tried did not work for me! They may work if someone else do them or maybe something else needs to be tried or at lease the timing of it has to change.

    In addition to this, many of the wannabe cuckold try to run the show! What a cuckold wants to be in charge? I ask them: Doesn't that ring any alarm bells to you mate? You are a cuck but you try to control things! That is not your role as a cuck! Any wonder you are not getting there.

    If any of you recognise yourself, well, there is a reason. I am not judging you! I am just telling you why i am an Alpha male/Bull and successful at making women cucking their partners and you a wannabe cuck!

    So, slowpoking if you want your wife cuck you send her to me!
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2014
    essex_couple likes this.
  19. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I agree with some of what you say, Tantric. I'm the first to admit that I did things wrong, or at least not very well. When I started looking for prospects for her, I quickly realized it required skills that I hadn't developed. The two times that I did arrange meetings were clumsily executed.

    Where you lose me is with the implication that you're good enough handling these situations to turn any woman, even if she's reluctant. I'll allow that it's possible you understand wives well enough for this to be true. I think it's also possible you're over-stating your abilities. (I'm not saying they aren't considerable.

    By the way, if you read my more recent posts on this thread, you'll see that she has indeed cucked me -- apparently for a number of years.
    JeffHouston likes this.
  20. slowpoking

    slowpoking Well-Known Member

    I'm skeptical about the truthfulness of some of the "real" accounts that I read on this site, and I assume others are, too. So I'm a little self-conscious about this thread because I can imagine people thinking everything came together too perfectly. I'm also aware that it sounds similar to lots of other stories. I know it's not worth much for me to say this really is true... but it is.

    Well, things have moved fast since she returned. (See what I mean? Where have you heard that before?) She was home for a couple days, and we had a great time debriefing, screwing and doing routine stuff together around the house. She also spent a fair amount of that time texting, e-mailing or on the phone with the guy. Even though they just had a couple days together, she said she developed strong feelings for him, and it was obvious that she had. I know that can be part of the deal, and I know she and I are good, so I didn't mind. It seemed like he was smitten, too, and I took it for granted they'd find a way to get together again, even though he's across the country.

    Then she had to go away for several more days for a retreat for her office. It wasn't far from my office, so we said I'd drive over after work and stay with her the first night. I texted her when I left work and she was at dinner with co-workers and said to come by. She was still feeling good, I guess, and had a couple drinks in her by that time. I sent a message asking the address and get back this series of texts.
    -- There are 3 people here that I'd like to make love to.
    -- I feel illuminated
    -- Don't know the address... figure it out. See you later. Pretty sure I'm going to fuck Moby

    Her co-worker's name isn't Moby, but otherwise that's word for word.

    So eventually I find them. She's not drunk but in a very good mood and playful. Pretty quick I can tell that one of the 3 is a guy sitting across from her. She's sipping his drink while they banter back and forth and by the look in her eye I can tell she could jump him. He's being jovial but perfectly appropriate (maybe he wasn't before I arrived) so it doesn't look like that's going anywhere.

    She introduces me around. I've met a few of these people before and know others from her having talked about them. She pulls Moby over and I say I've heard a lot about him. He's pretty reserved. We chat and she suggests heading to the hotel bar for another drink. I go back to talking to the first guy and about 15 minutes later she and I leave for the bar, where some of the others are going, too.

    As we're walking through the restaurant door she chuckles, "I have to tell you something -- I've slept with Moby 3 times."

    I was floored. After years of encouragement she finally sleeps with someone, it goes better than we could have asked, and a few days later, this. I'm sure I'm going to get run over by a truck tonight, because no one has luck like this. We have a few minutes for her to elaborate. On a work trip several years ago, they were having dinner and a great conversation. The mood was very relaxed and got a little sensual, at which point she looked at him and said, "We should have sex." So they did. She said she didn't tell me because she felt like it was a one-time thing. Then they repeated it twice over the next few years.

    She also told me that while we were in the restaurant she asked Moby if he wanted to come to our hotel room for a drink. He looked surprised, asked about me, and she said, "Oh, don't worry about him." I occurs to me that not only was I talking to a guy without realizing he had fucked my wife, but she essentially told him I'd be open to him fucking her in front of me. Which is true, but still. Apparently that wasn't his cup of tea because he didn't come up.

    Overall, this was a thrilling revelation for me, and I wasn't about to grill her or give her anything but positive feedback, but it did raise a number of obvious questions. First, are there still other guys that she's slept with? It's clear to me that she only told me about Moby to prepare me in case he accepted her offer. Until now I was pretty sure she hadn't slept with anyone, but now I would not be surprised if there are more that I don't know of. Second, let's have further explanation for not telling me. I made it clear long ago that she had permission to screw someone -- long before these past two years of active encouragement. Not that I mind. I've told her more recently that I want her to have space and not feel like she has to tell me everything she's doing. I'd just like to understand what's in her head.

    Beyond that, how does she reconcile this with the explanation she gave the past two years for not sleeping with anyone -- that she could only do that with someone that she had strong feelings for, and she feared that that would pose a risk to our marriage. Of course, I'd also like to know details of each encounter.

    We didn't get into any of those things that night, but I plan to start addressing some of them the next couple weeks. She was home from the retreat for one night before leaving on another weeklong trip. (This has been an unusual amount of travel for her.) She comes home this weekend, and then we'll be able to talk. There's also been at least one more development -- no, not sleeping with another guy -- but that'll have to wait for another post.

Share This Page