Are cuckolds selfish?

Discussion in 'Controversial Issues' started by aloneandneeding, Jan 5, 2017.

  1. aloneandneeding

    aloneandneeding Active Member

    I think that many Cuckolds are selfish, most without even realizing it. (Why?) To start out with many have an I problem. I want you to fuck other men. I want you to get a steady lover. I want you to become emotionally attached to him. I want you to supply for all my kinks and fetishes. I want you to humiliate me. I want you to feed all my desires more and more like a drug dealer because I am hooked and need more and more. Why can't we just honestly say these things and mean them. Honey I love you with all my heart and I want you to have a happy fulfilling life. Sweet heart I have a smaller then average penis and if I don't satisfy your needs maybe we should address it. Honey you think about it and I shall willingly submit to your wishes and help you in any way to achieve your pleasure and fulfillment. I love you that much and I want more of our life together to be all about YOU..
  2. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    This! Resonated with me. It articulates a truth for me that I sometimes struggle with.

    I love Jeff, and I would rather him not read what follows....

    I think Jeff also has the "I" difficulty. He is of high intellectual capability, he found a wife that was already fucking around on her multiple partners. He gave me space to be myself with him and get the love I desired. Us sharing this desire has led to us being a successful team. I am happy, appreciative, and see that I am blessed.

    I give him his drug. And like an addict he constantly wants more. Last year I fucked 13 men that I could name (I think there were a couple more), let he and another guy pass me back and forth like a party favor, and i fucked 4 men (each guy I fucked atleast twice) in one night. He received multiple pictures, videos, sat in the other room so he could hear, I went on a vacation with a guy, I stayed at a hotel with a guy, I dated a guy I was fucking, I did a random stranger hook up, I did a rich and powerful sexy guy hookup, I went to a by the hour hotel with a traveling businessman, I cucked a guy I was cucking Jeff with, we had 2 MFM's that Jeff participated in.

    I was a good and active hotwife. I fulfilled a lot of Jeff's fantasies. And all of mine. My needs are being met. Jeff says his needs are not being met.

    I thought for sure that was enough to get him his kink, it was not. He joked-not joked that maybe I could set a goal for 30 lovers this year. He wants our sex life to be "easier", me to just fuck, him to be able to bring me men more often.

    I am good at being a "hotwife", I enjoy the pleasure and freedom. And I often feel used.

    I do see that success comes with balance, and I am getting my needs met. And because of the cucks need for "more and more" I feel like the target is always moving and I am not meeting Jeff's needs. And he tells me I am not, on multiple occasions.

    Saturn, if you would be willing to pull the prior post and my response..and start a new thread I would be appreciative. I have a desire to read what our wise posters have to say.

  3. fkmywfxn

    fkmywfxn Well-Known Member

    Very interesting! Sounds like me:).

    Somebody has to get the conversation going. This is how "I" feel etc. ... True in almost every conversation.

    You left out the part where the "cuckold" asks "how do you feel?"
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  4. Mr.mpes.hub

    Mr.mpes.hub New Member

    Yes, the "I" perspective is a selfishness problem. But it can also be seen as an honesty blessing. It is outing your emotional state, your desires, and your weaknesses (what can bring you down if so denied). Like in a contract negotiation, if you know the other side is likely to offer something, NOT demanding it is the sneaky (passive) way to get something for nothing.

    So a good balance in a non hostile situation needs careful adjustments. It is good to internally evaluate "how selfish am I?"
    michael1987 and DeannaHouston like this.
  5. I agree that some cuckolds can be or can seek to be selfish, almost in the same way that some submissives can seek to 'top from the bottom'. I do consider, however, that it very much depends on how the circumstances of the cuckolding relationship were established. If the initial wish to be cuckolded has come from the male partner and the female partner has had to be encouraged or convinced to fuck other men, possibly against her initial judgement or desire, then I suspect that it is more likely, though not necessarily the case, that the cuckold may selfishly seek to direct matters to satisfy his desires and fantasies rather than his partner's. If, however, it is the female who has initiated the cuckoldry in order to seek sexual satisfaction; to satisfy her curiosity; or for any other reason, then I consider that it is far less likely that the cuckold will have the opportunity or desire to act selfishly. The cuckolding is about Her, not about him. This will be even more the case, in my opinion, if the male partner enters into a relationship with a female partner who is already having sex with other men and who makes it clear that she has no intention of stopping doing so. Again, it is about Her, not him.

    I also consider that the relative sexual dominance and submissiveness of the partners is relevant. In my opinion a cuckoldress can be dominant or submissive; a cuckold can be dominant or submissive; and a partnership can involve two dominant partners or two submissive partners or a dominant partner and a submissive partner. I suspect that a sexually dominant cuckold with a submissive female partner is most likely to be selfish; and that a sexually submissive cuckold with a dominant female partner is least likely to be selfish.

    In my own case, when I first met my Wife-to-be she was open about the fact that she was having sexual relationships with a number of other men. This continued whilst we were going out together and when we were engaged. I did not consider that I had any right to ask Her to stop having sex with other men, particularly given my small penis (1+1/2 inches flaccid, 3+1/2 inches erect) and single, very small, testicle and her comments about my inability to satisfy Her with my penis. I had assumed (naively?) that our relationship would be monogamous after our marriage, however after being married for six months I suspected and accused my Wife of having an affair with one of her ex-partners. Her response was that 'from time to time she needed a real man with a real cock and a real pair of balls and if I wanted our marriage to continue I would have to accept that'. I did accept that and we have now been married for 38 years. My point is that my Wife having sex with other men was wholly decided by her; carried out by her; and for her. I am delighted to be her cuckold, but do not consider that I have ever acted selfishly. It has always been about her pleasure; her desires; and her satisfaction.
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  6. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    Fkmywfxn & Mr.mpes.hub,
    Thank you both for replying, I was very interested in this subject. I love cucks and they are my very favorite type of men. I see that cucks have selfish moments sometimes. I also see that cucks are some of the most giving men you can find. I do not think I could get

    I just sometimes feel pressure. And I sometimes feel my husband wants more and more naughty thrills. I see in those moments the kink is about him, and we need that because if he wasn't into me fucking others we would not have been this good of a fit.

    I am blessed that Jeff is honest with me, and most of my focus is there. Deanna
    justonetesticle likes this.
  7. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    You were responding at the same time I was...I just had a kid, 2 dogs, and 2 guinea pigs crawling all over me and interrupting. So I was slow.

    I think you have a good understanding. Jeff and I are a perfect mix of of the 2 types of cucks and cuckoldress. I was never monogamous when we started dating, I was fucking a couple of other guys and dating more. I never agreed to be monogamous I just tried to avoid the subject...He would be like, "would you like to go out on Wednesday?" And I would point far away and yell, "Squirrel". Lol. I didn't want to lie and I didn't want to loose Jeff. He was exactly what I wanted I just didn't want to give up the sex with guys I really liked naked.

    Jeff had been looking for a girl like me at the same time in his journey. He knew what I was but didn't want to scare me away. So he slowly started bringing up 3 sums in our sex talk. I let him "convince" me.

    He says he knew I was a player when he brings a "friend" and I manage and facilitate the whole thing. He jokes that he knew I had skill and had done this before.

    Now we often bump heads because we both want to be dominate. My problem I think I just want to be dominant all of the Deanna
  8. saturn

    saturn Super Moderator Staff Member

    DeannaHouston likes this.
  9. Deanna,
    I can match the kid (grown up now) and the two dogs, but don't have to cope with guinea pigs.

    My Wife and I are the opposite of you and Jeff to the extent that we are both sexually submissive, albeit I am to the greater extent. My Wife is not sexually (or in any other way) submissive with me, but she tends to be with her other partners.

    P.S. When I yell 'squirrel' it simply makes the dogs go crazy!
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  10. don_jetman

    don_jetman Well-Known Member Founding Member

    I've asked L if this is the case for her. From the beginning I've always been so careful not to push her. Her answer was that the only time I push is when I sometimes want too many details too soon after she's with a guy. She needs that time to "come back to earth again". She's never told me this before, so it's good that I asked. It seems she goes through a re-calibration of some kind after she's with a guy, especially a new guy. She was careful not to say it at first, but she admitted it's a little like being single again for a short time, dating and playing around like she wasn't able to bring herself to do when she was younger and single. "It's like I have to adjust to being married again. Does that upset you?"
    Nope. Not at all, now I know. She told me she does spend the next day or so thinking about her time with a new guy, and sometimes even masturbates reliving what they did together. Wow - I didn't know that either. I love to hear the details of her time with other men while we make love, and I've always assumed that she gave me bits and pieces of the details over days or weeks just to tease me. "There are some things I like to keep private for a while because they're still special - and there are some things I'll always keep to myself, just to keep them special." When I told her that just makes me want to know more, she just smiled.
  11. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    I love your wife. She is awesome. The two of you are great role models, I love how understanding and supportive you are.

    A couple of years ago I met a Don that had a Citation in the Bahamas or Dominican, a lot of island hopping that trip so can't remember for sure. Most likely it was not you and L. And sometimes the world is a small place. Deanna
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  12. don_jetman

    don_jetman Well-Known Member Founding Member

    Thanks, Deanna. Nope, wasn't us in the islands. Costa Rica maybe, but not lately. I'm sure it was our misfortune.

    I think the secret to our hotwifing activities is that we don't really consider it a full-time lifestyle. We sometimes go months without playing, then fall back in head first for a while. It augments our sex life, it doesn't define it. Sex together is the best - more than I could have ever hoped for when this was just a fantasy. We have been through a few rough patches due to L's sexual relationships with other men, one major one, but now we know what to look for and avoid. Sometimes I just reflect and marvel at how in the past I was the more experienced one, the "teacher" to L's very apt "pupil", and how now she can take the reins, how now she pursues and gets the men she's always wanted, and is both comfortable and proud doing it. Watching her take the role of the sexual aggressor with a new man, many times from across the room, or even standing beside her, always makes me hard.

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  13. obedientcuck

    obedientcuck Well-Known Member

    This is something i have to be very careful about. There are things that i really want to be a part of my cuckold experience that i've not yet experienced or experienced a little and want to experience much more. If i come out and ask, my wife will feel obligated to make it happen or persuade our Bull to make it happen.

    As a sub cuck, for me it's not submission when i tell them what i want done to me and they feel obligated to do it. So i've learned to plant the ideas in their minds in a way that at least leaves doubt who came up with the idea in the first place. If they grab on to the idea, great. If not, maybe a few more gentle hints spaced many days or weeks apart.

    They do look out for my needs, but part of the gamesmanship of the arrangement is that they don't care about my needs; any pleasure i get is purely a side effect of their more important pleasure seeking.
    DeannaHouston likes this.
  14. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    In my opinion, in any cuckold relationship in which all of the participants are "in the know", every one of them---the lover, the compliant or approving cuckold, and more especially the cuckoldress---is behaving selfishly; that is to say, pursuing excitement and satisfaction, healthy or perverse, for themselves partly or wholly without regard to the emotional welfare of the other participants, even if he/she feels or believes they are motivated by true altruism in the strict meaning of that word. The selfishness of human beings is general and ubiquitous and at times socially beneficial, and there is nothing unique about cuckoldry as a human pursuit when it comes to selfish behaviour and its occasional collateral benefits. So, discussion of the question of what behaviour of what participant in a cuckold relationship can be judged to be more selfish than others is obviously pointless. But, considering the foregoing, the answer to the question posed by the title of this thread is equally obviously "Yes". The question of which participant in a cuckolding relationship is exploited more than any other or gets the greater amount of pleasure, including masochistic and sadistic, is a much more interesting one. I believe the answer to it will turn out to be "It's not possible or pleasurable enough to say."
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2017
  15. DeannaHouston

    DeannaHouston Well-Known Member

    I believe you. This seems to be one of the ways that couples function best. The gentle hints/clue....seed planting...give both people in the couple a opportunity to accept the idea as something they want. If your wife makes the idea part of her desire (even if you plant the seed) it becomes what you both want.
    michael1987 likes this.
  16. michael1987

    michael1987 Well-Known Member

    I agree with you on every point, Deanna, including on the basis of my own experience of introducing my wife's lover into our marriage.

    In our case it was me who, self-interestedly and selfishly, not-so-subtly planted the seed of the idea that a young black lover would provide my wife with something lacking in our sex life that we both knew I could not fullfil.

    Looking back I can say that for some 18 month prior to my urging my buddy to become her lover I had been aware of a lack of deeper sexual fulfillment in her that was confirmed and thankfully thoroughly satisfied by him on his very first time with her on our marital bed.

    The seed of my idea of her taking and being fulfilled by such a desirable young lover as my buddy turned out to be had provably fallen on very fertile ground.

    The most insighful and well-written account in literature I have found that describes the husband's successful seeding of his wife's nascent desire for a lover is Marco Vassi's masterpiece "The Conscientious Cuckold", to be found at

    In it, Tom the husband of childless Laura goes along with her ostensibly only biological need, which is to be impregnated---in the event by strapping young Jack the sperm donor innocently chosen by Tom. The fact that it is Tom who, apparently without considering the possible erotic impact of Jack on Laura's mind, recruits him to fuck his wife, albeit only once, is an almost unbearably poignant element in the story.

    Jack, it turns out--ironically with initially-outraged Tom's eventual physical and full cooperation and participation--seeds not only Laura's baby-wanting body but also in a very powerful way her erotic imagination and deeper physical sexual needs.

    Whether or not Tom, having chosen such a perfect younger lover for Laura, actually relished the easily predicitable outcome evidenced immediately post-coitally in Laura's understandable hankering for more of the same, is adroitly left by Vassi for the reader to imagine.

    I like to think that the seed that Tom self-interestedly planted in the mind of lovely Laura and which took root so instantly and strongly in her fertile mind, grew and bore erotic fruit for ever after, according to her pre-existent possibly only nascent but actually quite easily readable womanly desire to be fucked by another man. For purely reproductive purposes, of course.
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2017

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