a slow time for my wife?

Discussion in 'Methods, Techniques and Advice' started by bricbat, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    Seems like once or twice a year my wife finds some guy to casually date without telling about it. I find out when I overhear her talking to her girlfriends, or once or twice one of them will call the house when I'm home. It'll be a friend of ours, or a neighbor, or a former student, etc. So far as I know, there's no sex involved.

    It's been a while since she's done that and I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't think there is any other guy.

    I tried to start a conversation about how spouses sometimes socialize with other people and she got pissed and wouldn't talk about it.

    For what it's worth, she's been dieting like never before, and she bought a whole bunch of new clothes. And a wicked pair of red platform pumps but I've never seen her in them.
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  2. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    << she's been dieting like never before, and she bought a whole bunch of new clothes. And a wicked pair of red platform pumps but I've never seen her in them. >>

    Sounds like it won't be a slow time for too much longer. :)


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  3. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    LOL. We'll see, Christine!
    This evening whilst I was washing dishes she strolled around the house talking to Michael on her new iPhone. So I only heard brief comments from her end. Michael's a friend of ours (more a friend of hers, but he's nice to me when she's not around). I heard her say, with a loud laugh and mock indignation, "Michael! Are you implying that Rob and I have long conversations?!" Then more laughter. I gather Michael was feeling a little jealous my wife's attention to Rob.

    It truly made me feel happy because she was obviously enjoying herself. We've known both Michael and Rob for a few years. It seems like instead of finding new guys to entertain herself, she's building deeper relationships with the ones she (we) already know. It made me happy.

    Yes, she got herself an iPhone and she bought me Playtex gloves for washing dishes. If you think I'm kidding, I'm not.
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  4. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    Yesterday my wife went out with friends. She said she had a lot of things to do. A few hours later she called for a ride home.

    I got there, and lo and behold, she's there talking to Michael. They ended up making plans for this evening, and I was confused about what was going on, who was driving whom and where, what times, etc. and they had a good laugh about my confusion.

    In the car home I asked her what Michael was doing there, and she said she just happened to run in to him, and I shouldn't be surprised since it's common for her to accidentally meet friends when she's out.

    Needless to say, she left the house as soon as I got home from work this evening. :rolleyes: Left me with a whole house of chores to take care of.

    Quick follow-up:
    Obviously she's not out with Michael. He just stopped by our house asking about her. ???
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2012
  5. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    And it's not like she's not making the effort: left for the university today in a gray t-shirt knit wrap dress with a scoop neck black cami underneath, and black high heel boots. Between the bubble butt and the nips that are always standing at attention, I have no idea how the guys pay attention to her lectures.
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  6. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    I got home after work and she was sitting with her iPhone, giggling at an email. She then proceeds to tell me how much she enjoys emails from "Rob" and what a good guy he is, how funny he is, etc. She especially likes that he always send two emails at a time because he always gets something wrong in the first one. Then she laughed because he got something wrong in the second one.

    She was supposed to run some errands this evening, but she asked me if I would do it for her so she could go see him for a few minutes at work.

    How could I refuse? The weird thing is, I'm not really turned on by this in a sexual sense. I'm just happy that she's enjoying herself so much.
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  7. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    My wife got a call in the late evening while she was in the shower. I told him I'd have to ask her to call back.

    When she got out of the shower I told her.

    She didn't call him back.

    She got dressed, asked me how she looked, and left.

    I didn't know what else to do, so I finished my chores and went to bed.

    I don't know what time she came home. All I know is she was in bed when I woke up to go to work.
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  8. ffred

    ffred Active Member

    Nice development!

    But you wrote that you are not turned on by this in a sexual sense. When I read all your comments I have a feeling in the other direction. Anyway it looks like you enjoy the behaviour of your wife, so it is ok.

    All the best for futute developments and keep us informed!

  9. NECuck

    NECuck Super Moderator

    Booty Call! It's a powerful phrase and best used in a sentence here... Used alone, it's a one-liner and frowned upon... Please take time to review KingBull's Post about one-liners.


  10. Mr. Big

    Mr. Big Member

    Oops. My bad. I was typing out in a rush.

    @bricbat--Your wife got a call from a guy, left you home alone, and comes home late. If she's not getting her satisfaction from him, what is she doing?

    I think we all know what she's doing LOL
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  11. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    Last night I was out chauffeuring my wife around town and we went past the home of one of the guys. He was outside, so obviously we pulled over to the curb, in my old Honda in front of his TWO BMWs. He came over to the car and started talking to her. He leaned into the car and talked right past me. I felt awkward and pushed myself back against the seat as much as I could. I tried to say something to sound useful but they just talked over me. At one point, my wife playfully covered my ears so I wouldn't hear details she didn't think I could handle. That wasn't going to work, obviously, and they laughed and decided to discuss later.

    Then they made plans for this evening that don't include me. He's an amateur athlete and has a game tonight. He was offering a ride to the game. He asked her, "Do you want me to call you tomorrow?" and she replied, "No, I'll send you a text."

    As we drove off I asked her what it was she didn't want me to hear. She just laughed and said it's better for me if I don't know.

    I haven't felt this emasculated in a very long while. I mean, I do fantasize about being a cuckold. But as her relationships push the boundaries, I start to feel weird. I'm not going to get in her way.
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  12. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    The guy mentioned in the last post? We were out with him today. Seriously, every time I got between him and my wife, he would literally look around me to talk to her. Even though I was standing right there, ostensibly part of the conversation.

    And it's been weeks, literally weeks, since she's given me any kind of sexual attention at all. I'm giving her footrubs, doing all the stuff a good submissive husband is supposed to do, and....nothing.
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  13. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    This is an excellent thought, in my opinion. It covers huge amounts of territory in just a couple of sentences.

    A.) that she is pushing your boundaries,
    B.) that it feels especially weird to you when she does, and
    C.) that you are not going to do anything to make her change what she's doing

    This is the exact opposite of something I find myself preaching AGAINST a lot in this forum. (Is that convoluted enough? I'm trying to say that you're not doing something bad.) I congratulate you for hanging in there and letting her do her own thing, at her own pace.

    So many times, when a guy gets a little twinge of angst, he has a melt-down, and by just doing that, he throws away months or years of work. Throws away tons of progress in getting her to open up her possibilities.

    Thank you _very much_ for reaffirming my hopes that not everyone gives in to those short term emotions, my hope that some guys are capable of taking a longer term view of things in their relationships.

    Ironically, typing has made me feel like I'm representing "all women." Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth, since I'm not even genetically female.

    Anyhow, thank you again. Your message seems like a breath of fresh air to me, even though I think you're feeling that she's putting a lot of emotional pressure on you.


  14. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    We traveled to her parents' house for the weekend. After we got there, one of her girlfriends called to invite her to the country club her parents belong to. Her friend, her husband, and his soon-to-be-divorced brother were having dinner and drinks and they wanted her along to make it two couples. I wasn't invited, so I stayed home to spit logs, deal with a clogged toilet, and wash dishes. They'd had a little too much to drink so I got a call late to chauffeur them all home.

    I wasn't upset that she spent the evening drinking and dining as part of a double date. I was glad they thought enough to have me as a designated driver.
  15. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    A couple nights ago my wife was working late. I was in the bathroom looking through the cabinet. I found a gold ring lying in a plastic tray with nail clippers, files, etc. It looked like her wedding ring. I picked it up and saw it had an inscription inside. It was her wedding ring. I didn't know what to think of it, so I put it back.

    She came home, showered, and went to bed, and she had her ring on. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

    On my way home from work today she called to tell me she was going out and gave me a list of chores. When I got home I looked in the bathroom and her ring is in the tray.
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  16. mike.cuck

    mike.cuck New Member

    I don't know how much you really want to make of this, but it seems like a good sign. It seems she might me "looking" for something, someone, new.

    That seems like a good question for the Women of the group, do they get more attention from men with the wedding ring on or with wedding ring off?

    Your situation does seem promising but not sure congradulations are in order just yet.

    Good Luck
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  17. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    It seems obvious to me that:

    - She doesn't want to wear it when she's out (presumably because she doesn't want people to think she's married)
    - She doesn't want to tell you that she's taking it off to go out


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  18. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    Definitely seems like it's moving in some direction. "Date night" has become her going out with friends and me staying home with chores. There's a dance club/bar near us that has a reputation for cougars. I'm trying to think of a way to ask her about it without prying.
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  19. bricbat

    bricbat Guest

    I can't help but agree with you, Christine. She's very unlikely to keep me informed directly, though. Most of what I know about her social life I overhear from her telling her mom or friends. For example, I only know she used to occasionally date a black guy because she told a friend how much she enjoyed being out with him because she felt "so protected" when they were clubbing.
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  20. christinebitg

    christinebitg Well-Known Member

    Interesting... I'm speculating now, of course, but she may feel guilty or a little embarrassed about it, so she feels funny about telling you directly.

    But she's also okay with you knowing. I can say that with some certainty, because there have been quite a number of times that you overheard her telling her mom or her friends. Once might be accidental. Several times is a pattern. That pattern also fits with her leaving her wedding ring in a place that you would find it. She's not hiding anything, just doesn't want to tell you directly.

    Maybe she needs some space to get more comfortable with it for a while. By space, I mean not bringing up the subject unless she does.

    If it were me, I would be desperately wanting to talk about it with her. But that's just me. I might not be able to keep myself from asking her, "Did you go to [name of the club] last night? How was it?" I always hope that my openness and supportive attitude about it will carry the day, but in her case, I'm not convinced that it would.

    Good luck and keep us posted! :)


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